Sample response & feedback

Celebrity Glamour, Wealth, and Impact on Youth

Question

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Annotated response

10 correction notes

Showing 10 correction notes.

In today's world, popular singers, actors, and athletes are often seen as the epitome of success and fame. However, the rise of celebrity culture has also raised concerns about the values it promotes, especially among young people, although it should also be accepted as a natural consequence of changing societal norms.

On the one hand, many celebrities are recognized for what they own rather than what they have achieved. a culture where many young fans aspire to become famous just for the sake of fame, rather than making a meaningful contribution to society. Moreover, the constant media attention on their lifestyles and possessions can create unrealistic expectations among young viewers, making them believe that material success is the only path to happiness and fulfillment.

On the other hand, this phenomenon might simply be a reflection of social change, where success is measured by one's ability to attract attention and create a brand. In this context, public figures are not necessarily promoting negative values but are simply adapting to the demands of the market. Moreover, some use their platform to promote and raise awareness about important issues, inspiring their followers to make a positive impact in their own way.

While this culture may have negative effects, it is ultimately up to individuals to decide what they value and aspire to achieve. Rather than blaming celebrities or the media, we should encourage critical thinking and the development of a sense of purpose and meaning. This can help create a society where success is measured not just by fame and wealth, but by genuine achievements and contributions to the world.

In conclusion, the impact of celebrity culture on young people is complex with no easy answers. Ultimately, individuals should decide what they value and aspire to achieve, and they should be encouraged to think critically and make their own choices.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 7.0

The strongest aspect is the fluent, generally accurate language and clear paragraph organisation supporting a multi-sided argument. The main limitation is that the position remains somewhat qualified and under-developed, so the argument does not fully resolve the extent of agreement asked for.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

TR Task Response

6.5

The response addresses the topic and presents a discernible, nuanced position, but it hedges between agreeing and deflecting responsibility, and ideas are only adequately developed with limited concrete support.

CC Coherence and Cohesion

7.0

Paragraphing is logical and progression is clear, though cohesive devices such as repeated 'moreover' and 'ultimately' are somewhat mechanical and the conclusion overlaps with earlier content.

LR Lexical Resource

7.0

Vocabulary is sufficiently flexible and mostly precise, with natural phrases like 'epitome of success', though some collocations such as 'social undertakings' are slightly unnatural.

GRA Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0

A range of complex structures is used with good flexibility and control, and errors are rare and non-impeding.