Sample response & feedback

Celebrity Glamour, Wealth, and Impact on Youth

Question

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Annotated response

15 correction notes

Showing 15 correction notes.

In the contemporary epoch, it is most typically believed that renowned personalities are prominent due to their affluent lifestyle and physical appearance, frequently generating of heated debate. However, I vehemently with the given stance, and I will elucidate my perspective with credible illustrations in the forthcoming paragraphs.

Scrutinizing the assertion and elaborating further, many famous individuals are known for their accomplishments rather than . They are establishing numerous charity organizations to aid . They conduct campaigns on the internet and encourage the public to . To exemplify, multiple celebrities provided to poor people residing in nearby communities during the recent pandemic outbreak. Furthermore, they effectively and efficiently utilize social media platforms such as Facebook and Instagram to raise awareness and safeguard our environment. There are various initiatives set up by the film fraternity, such as green environment, and they regularly plant saplings in nearby localities, which are captured and uploaded on their respective profiles on such websites. Therefore, they play a crucial role in educating youth on helping poor people and preserving our planet.

Probing ahead, famous personalities are becoming entrepreneurs in and are persistent in providing employment opportunities to the public. These businesses include restaurants, clothing, electronic appliances and sports franchises. The monetary profits received from their business are eventually given as donations to communities in need. For instance, one of the prominent Indian cricket players and former captain Virat Kohli has started his own franchise, OneEight, which is and includes scrumptious international cuisines. The customers who visit experience an appealing supper and volunteer to contribute to charitable organizations at the end of their meal. Thus, celebrities are establishing businesses that and provide funds to help underprivileged communities.

Taking everything into consideration, celebrities are a pivotal part of our society as they enthusiastically participate in programs to protect our earth and contribute by helping needy persons either from their own pockets . Hence, they are considered role models to the young generations.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 7.0

The response presents a clear, consistent position and develops it with relevant, concrete examples such as charitable work and celebrity entrepreneurship. Its main limitation is reliance on formulaic, inflated vocabulary, which reduces precision and naturalness. The examples also need a clearer link to achievement as a source of fame.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

TR Task Response

7.0

The response maintains a clear disagreement and supplies relevant examples of charity and entrepreneurship. However, the link between those activities and achievement as a source of fame needs fuller explanation.

CC Coherence and Cohesion

7.0

Ideas progress logically across well-organised paragraphs with clear linking, although some cohesive devices and transitions feel mechanical.

LR Lexical Resource

6.5

The response shows a wide vocabulary range with awareness of style, but overuse of formulaic and imprecise expressions such as 'contemporary epoch' and 'vehemently disaccord' limits naturalness and accuracy.

GRA Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0

A variety of complex structures is used with generally good control, and frequent error-free sentences are present despite occasional awkward or slightly ungrammatical constructions.