Sample response & feedback

Celebrity Glamour, Wealth, and Impact on Youth

Question

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Annotated response

14 correction notes

Showing 14 correction notes.

These days, the fact that some celebrities are known for their money rather than for what they have achieved has become a hotly debated topic. that these celebrities are young people. Nevertheless, there are many other stars who are good examples to adolescents.

First of all, many celebrities are well-known for their glamorous lifestyle, which does not come from hard work. These celebrities may achieve fame and wealth from their parents, partners, families, or from being scandalous. This can that success can be achieved through and give them a twisted perspective on life’s values. Take the Kardashians for example, they build an empire of reality shows from showing their quarrels, infidelities, and partying - which are not healthy behaviours that children should learn.

On the other hand, there are various self-made celebrities with admirable qualities and achievements that can influence young people in a positive way. These stars work their way up with . Such celebrities children to work hard and behave appropriately. For example, Keanu Reeves is an internationally famous star who is also widely known for his and good deeds. One of which is that he gave 70 percent of his earnings from the first “The Matrix” movie to leukemia studies. Another well-known star is Emma Watson, who became a millionaire after her role in the “Harry Potter” franchise. Despite becoming well-off at a young age, Emma never neglected her studies and even graduated from an .

In conclusion, even though there are stars who exert negative influence on young people, there are several other celebrities who are exemplary to youngsters in the way they live their lives. It is crucial that children can differentiate between which celebrities to learn from.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 7.0

The essay is clearly organised and supports its balanced position with specific celebrity examples. A qualified answer is appropriate, but the conclusion could explain more clearly how the two groups determine the extent of agreement. The examples of generosity and education also need a stronger link to young people’s behaviour. Language is generally clear, despite a comma splice, a sentence fragment and several awkward collocations.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

TR Task Response

7.0

The response addresses the question with a clear though qualified position, develops both sides with relevant examples, and reaches a conclusion, but the extent of agreement remains somewhat under-argued.

CC Coherence and Cohesion

7.0

Ideas progress logically across well-managed paragraphs with effective referencing and cohesive devices, though transitions are occasionally mechanical.

LR Lexical Resource

7.0

Vocabulary is sufficiently flexible and precise, with good topic-related phrasing, though some collocations are slightly awkward such as 'humble characteristic' and 'twisted perspective on life's values'.

GRA Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0

A good range of structures is used with flexibility and accuracy, including complex sentences and relative clauses, with only minor errors that do not impede meaning.