Sample response & feedback

Celebrity Glamour, Wealth, and Impact on Youth

Question

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Annotated response

25 correction notes

Showing 25 correction notes.

It is true that for their luxurious lifestyles than for their performance or talents these days. Many people think that this kind of attitude is not a good example for the young generation. To a certain extent, I would agree that this kind of behaviour would be a bad example for , but there are due to their outstanding accomplishment.

On the one hand, it is a fact that many famous people become popular due to their fancy lifestyle, instead of their outstanding achievement these days. Their acting talent might be standard or , but they are by showing their wealth and glamorous lifestyles. One of the examples would be Kim Kardashian who is famous for her reality television program, mostly shows and less of her acting. It is believed that the behaviour would be a negative as it teaches them .

On the other hand, there are celebrities who are popular for their incredible acts or outstanding performance. These people have shown to the world that they have due to strong determination and hard work, and the public always recognise them for their and great achievements. One of the examples would be the legendary English footballer David Beckham. He was not only a good athlete but also became . Although David Beckham sometimes had shown his glamorous lifestyle, but he had also shown to the public that he was a good football player. He that success, he had to work hard , as he had to per day consistently. These kinds of celebrities are worth to be followed by the young generation.

In conclusion, many famous people are well known for their wealth and luxurious style, instead of their achievement and it would be a negative example for the . To a certain point, I would disagree with the opinion, since there are other celebrities who are famous due to their great talent and performance. In my opinion, I think the public should be more selective in choosing their role models, not just in front of the camera, but we should also see from their personal life as well.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 6.5

The strongest aspect is the response's clear, consistent structure with concrete supporting examples such as Kim Kardashian and David Beckham, which address both sides of the question. The main limitation is recurring grammatical inaccuracy and slight positional inconsistency between the introduction and conclusion, alongside some imprecise word choice.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

TR Task Response

6.5

The response addresses the question, presents a position, and develops both views with relevant named examples, though the stance shifts subtly between agreeing in the introduction and disagreeing in the conclusion and some points are repetitively stated rather than extended.

CC Coherence and Cohesion

7.0

Paragraphing is logical with clear progression through both sides of the argument and a cohesive conclusion, aided by appropriate linking devices, despite occasional mechanical transitions.

LR Lexical Resource

6.5

Vocabulary is generally adequate for the topic with some natural collocations, but imprecision and awkward phrasing such as 'making sensation', 'worth to be followed', and 'young age people' recur.

GRA Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.0

A range of complex structures is attempted, but errors are frequent, including faulty relative clauses ('there are other famous people are popular'), incorrect infinitives ('to achieved success'), and misused conjunctions after 'although'.