Sample response & feedback

Celebrity Glamour, Wealth, and Impact on Youth

Question

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Annotated response

11 correction notes

Showing 11 correction notes.

Celebrities have always been a subject of fascination for people around the world. However, in recent years, the focus on celebrities has shifted from their accomplishments to their glamorous lifestyle and wealth. This has raised concerns among many that it may set a negative example for young people. Due to several reasons, I will disagree with this view.

Some celebrities are more famous for their wealth and glamour than their achievements. Many young people today aspire to be like these celebrities and try to emulate their lavish lifestyles. For example, famous models and actresses who flaunt their designer clothes, expensive jewellery, and luxurious vacations on social media. This creates unrealistic and unhealthy expectations among young people.

However, it is not entirely fair to blame celebrities for setting a bad example for young people. Many celebrities have worked hard to achieve success, and their wealth and glamour are merely the byproducts of their achievements. For instance, athletes who have trained rigorously for years and have won medals and trophies deserve to enjoy the fruits of their labour. Similarly, through their hard work and dedication should be able to enjoy their wealth.

In my opinion, the problem lies not with celebrities but with the way the media portrays them. The media often focuses on their glamorous lifestyle and wealth, rather than their achievements, to attract more viewers and readers. that celebrities are famous only for their wealth and glamour. Therefore, it is the responsibility of the media to shift the focus back to the achievements of these celebrities and highlight the hard work and dedication that went into their success.

In conclusion, it may be true that are more famous for their assets and glamour than their achievements, which can set a negative example for young people. However, it is not the whole picture as work hard to gain fame and success.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 7.0

The essay presents a clear, organised argument with relevant examples and a useful distinction between celebrity achievement and media portrayal. Its main weakness is the connection between these points and the question: deserving wealth does not establish a positive influence, and blaming media coverage does not show that glamorous images are harmless. The qualified disagreement would be stronger if those links were explained explicitly.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

TR Task Response

6.5

The essay addresses the task with a qualified disagreement, but the examples of deserved wealth and the criticism of media coverage need clearer links to whether celebrity images harm young people.

CC Coherence and Cohesion

7.0

Ideas progress logically across clear paragraphs with generally effective cohesion devices and a smooth, well-managed overall progression.

LR Lexical Resource

7.0

Vocabulary is sufficiently flexible and mostly precise, with some natural collocations and topic-appropriate word choice, though occasionally repetitive phrasing appears.

GRA Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0

A range of simple and complex sentences is generally controlled accurately. The thesis uses a future form where a present-tense statement would express the writer’s current position more directly.