Australian Workforce by Industry 1962-2012

The response presents a clear overview of rising services versus declining manufacturing and agriculture and covers all five sectors with broadly supported visual estimates. The overview could also mention the two relatively stable sectors, while intermediate data would explain how the services trend developed.

Information is logically sequenced from overview to detail, with effective use of referencing and contrast, but some cohesive devices like 'therefore' and 'in turn' are used somewhat mechanically.

Vocabulary is varied and generally appropriate for a graph summary, including “dominant area of employment”. However, “negligible percentages” understates shares as high as about 11%, and “witnessed a surge” is less well matched to a sustained rise across five decades.

The response uses passive constructions, comparisons and participial clauses with generally good control. The final detail paragraph would be clearer if the shares, rather than “downward trends”, were explicitly the subject of the decline to percentage values.

The response covers all five sectors with accurate figures from the graph, a clear overview of main trends, and relevant comparisons, with only minor omissions of intermediate detail.

Information is logically sequenced across paragraphs with cohesive devices used naturally, giving a clear and effortless progression throughout.

Vocabulary is flexible and precise for describing trends and comparisons, with natural phrases such as 'pronounced rise', 'contracted markedly', and 'hovered at the bottom'.

A wide range of structures is used with strong control, including accurate participial phrases, relative clauses, and tense consistency, with only rare minor slips.

The response identifies the main trends and covers all five industries, including services rising from just over half to about 80% and manufacturing falling to 10%. However, several descriptions confuse workforce shares with worker counts or the resident population, and the smaller series need more careful wording.

Ideas are logically grouped by trend type and progression is clear, though a few transitions such as 'Moving on to' feel slightly mechanical.

Vocabulary is varied for describing trends, including “dropped progressively”, but some expressions need greater precision: “overwhelming majority” overstates the initial services share, and “its data” is less informative than naming the workforce share.

A wide range of structures is used with strong control, including complex relative and participle clauses, with only occasional slips such as 'its workers numbers'.