Vegetarianism for Personal Health and Global Benefits

Some people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the world as a whole. Discuss this viewpoint and give your own opinion.

Annotated response

6 correction notes

Showing 6 correction notes.

Vegetarians tend to avoid consuming meat and fish and concerning on environmental issue. Both purposes will be discussed in this essay .

Vegetarians tend to consider health factors to stop consuming meat and fish because those kinds of food sources affect the of those who suffer from chronic disease such as cancer, obesity, etc. Other reasons from a health point of view of people become vegetarian because they need to lose weight or to have a better body shape. Moreover, choosing to consume vegetables rather than meat or fish becomes a trend to keep the body healthy.

On the other hand, being a vegetarian is one of the ways to protest the policy of the government or criminal action against environmental issues such as cruel animal slaughtering, fish-bombing, etc. Moreover, being vegetarian is the best solution for keeping the balance of the ecosystem among humans and animals.

However, another reason not to eat meat or fish is related to ethical concern on how there are several values or rules in a certain community that forbid to eat both food sources. They believe that animals are just like the human being that should be respected as well as conserve their lives.

To conclude, vegetarians who consider health issues and environmental issues, as well as ethical concern, have their own reasons. In addition, both views are merely positive to keep the body health individually as well as to conserve the sustainability of animal lives globally.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 6.0

The response has clear paragraphs and discusses health, environmental and ethical reasons for vegetarianism. The conclusion does give a positive judgement, so a personal position is present. However, some benefits are asserted or explained unclearly, and recurring grammatical errors and imprecise expressions reduce the effectiveness of the supporting arguments.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

Task Response

6.0

The response discusses health, environmental and ethical motivations, and the conclusion gives a positive judgement. However, much of the essay reports people’s reasons rather than fully explaining the claimed benefits, and several connections between the examples and those benefits remain unclear.

Coherence and Cohesion

6.0

Paragraphing is logical and progression is broadly clear, though cohesive devices such as repeated 'moreover' and 'however' are used somewhat mechanically.

Lexical Resource

6.0

There is an adequate range of vocabulary for the topic, but imprecise word choices like 'blood tension' and 'on the purpose of' reduce accuracy and precision.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.0

A mix of simple and complex sentence forms is used with generally clear meaning, but errors in article use, agreement, and structure occur with some frequency.