Vegetarianism for Personal Health and Global Benefits

Some people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the world as a whole. Discuss this viewpoint and give your own opinion.

Annotated response

7 correction notes

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It is a fact that several groups of people prefer not to consume any kinds of meat and fish, as they believe that being vegetarian many benefits for their health and for the world as a whole. To a certain extent, I would agree with the opinion, but I think that people should also consume meat and fish in a proportional portion as they contain rich ingredients that are needed by human’s body.

For a number of reasons, some people choose not to eat fish or meat. Firstly, it is believed that several types of meats and fish contain fats which are considered unhealthy for the human’s body. People who consume those kinds of meat or fish have a higher risk of cardiovascular diseases such as heart attack or cholesterol. Secondly, as the demand for meat and fish increases, it would have a negative impact on the environment. The increasing number of farming activities would require bigger areas, which might reduce the number of forest areas. And then with over-exploitation of fishing activities, several types of fishes would extinct and it would make the sea ecosystem .

On the other hand, many food scientists have found out that there are several types of vitamins and proteins that could only be obtained from meat and fish. generates a certain type of oils which are beneficial for our blood circulation process. And then, red meat is needed as the source of nutrition for the human’s brain. However, the main problem of those who consume meat and fish is that most of them consume the food in an inappropriate portion. As a consequence, many of them have problems with obesity or .

In conclusion, it is true that some people believe that being a vegetarian is healthier , and it would also give a positive effect on the environment. To a certain point, I would agree with it, but meats and fish also contain certain types of nutrition that are needed by our body. I do believe that if we could balance the consumption of meat, fish and , it would make our body become healthier than the vegetarian.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 6.5

The response directly addresses the task, presents a clear qualified position, and develops both sides with relevant reasons and examples. Its main limitations are recurring grammatical errors such as faulty singular/plural and word-form choices, together with somewhat mechanical linking and occasionally imprecise vocabulary.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

Task Response

6.5

The response addresses all parts of the task with a clear, consistent position that vegetarianism has benefits but balanced consumption is preferable, supported by relevant ideas, though some points such as the environmental argument remain underdeveloped.

Coherence and Cohesion

6.0

Ideas are organised into logical paragraphs with clear progression and appropriate sequencing devices, but linking is at times mechanical, including repeated use of 'and then' and abrupt sentence starts.

Lexical Resource

6.5

The response shows adequate range of topic-related vocabulary such as 'cardiovascular diseases', 'over-exploitation', and 'ecosystem', though it includes some inaccuracy and imprecision in word choice and formation.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.0

A mix of simple and complex structures is used with generally clear meaning, but errors in agreement, articles, and word form such as 'being vegetarian bring' and 'become imbalance' occur frequently enough to be noticeable.