Importance of Having at Least One Hobby

It is important for children, young adults, working people and the retired to have at least one hobby. What's your opinion about this?

Annotated response

10 correction notes

Showing 10 correction notes.

having at least one hobby plays an important role in the lives of children, young adults, employees, and retirees. I completely .

Firstly, can decrease the time spent on phones. The younger generation tends to surf the internet at any opportunity, but if people have hobbies, they are less likely to spend their free time on their devices. As a result, children and young adults will develop their interests and . For example, research has shown that can reduce internet usage by an average of 20 percent. This reduction highlights the importance of children and young adults engaging in hobbies to limit excessive phone usage.

Secondly, for workers and retirees, hobbies provide a valuable way to relax. After many years of working, individuals should take time for themselves and unwind. For employees, can help prevent burnout, while for retirees, hobbies can enhance their enjoyment of life after many years focused on their careers. a mature social group found that providing free time for hobbies , and participants reported that it was . It is essential for both workers and retirees to have at least one hobby.

To conclude, it is important for everyone - children, young adults, workers, and retirees - to have during their free time.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 7.0

The response clearly states and consistently maintains a position, with well-organized paragraphs covering each age group and a logical conclusion. Its main limitation is the reliance on vague, generalized supporting evidence, such as uncited research and experiments, rather than concrete, developed examples.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

Task Response

7.0

The response presents a clear position throughout, addresses all the age groups mentioned in the task, and develops main ideas with relevant, though somewhat generalized, support.

Coherence and Cohesion

7.0

The response progresses logically with clear paragraphing and cohesive devices such as firstly, secondly, and as a result, though the referencing of supporting evidence is occasionally vague.

Lexical Resource

6.5

The vocabulary is sufficiently varied and mostly precise, using phrases like prevent burnout and unwind, but some word choices remain somewhat ordinary and the supporting evidence is loosely expressed.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.5

The response uses complex and conditional sentences with generally good control. Clauses describing possible outcomes and contrasting age groups are easy to follow, and grammatical accuracy is sustained across the essay. The conversational phrase 'and here is why' is a style choice, not a grammatical error.