Children Spending Hours Daily on Smartphones

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Annotated response

8 correction notes

Showing 8 correction notes.

It can be seen nowadays that young people, including small children, spend on their phones. This essay will explain why and then argue that it is an overwhelmingly negative development.

children use their phones they are enjoyable to the point of being addictive. Indeed, numerous studies have shown that phones are as addictive for children as sugar or drugs, and this makes it hard for them to moderate their behaviour. The apps on most phones are designed to appeal to people by rewarding them with are particularly susceptible to this. In addition, the bright images, simple games, and immersive experience

This constant usage brings various problems, with perhaps the most alarming being the impact on people’s health. Using a phone is something that the human body has not yet adapted to and there are various risks. The most obvious one is neck damage. Doctors often warn that the lead to neck strain, which can also trigger problems in the back and head. Some people worry about eyestrain, too, though this is unproven. Then, of course, there is the fact that for children almost the entirety of their entertainment comes in the form of these phones and so they no longer go outside to play games in the fresh air, getting necessary exercise and socialising. They are stuck indoors, staring at their phone and becoming overweight, fragile, and unsociable.

In conclusion, the current situation with children using their phones a lot is utterly negative. Even if there were any possible benefits, they would be by the damage that these devices cause.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 7.5

The response's strongest aspect is its clear, confident argument with well-developed, relevantly supported ideas about both the cause and the negative effects. The main limitation is that the body focuses heavily on health while wider consequences receive only brief mention, and occasional overstatement weakens precision rather than the overall position.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

Task Response

7.0

Both parts of the question are fully addressed with a clear position, well-developed main ideas, and relevant supporting explanations, though the second body paragraph concentrates largely on health effects.

Coherence and Cohesion

7.0

Ideas progress logically across clearly organised paragraphs with effective cohesive devices, although paragraph two's sequencing is slightly mechanical at points.

Lexical Resource

7.5

Vocabulary is sufficiently flexible and precise, with natural collocations such as thoroughly appealing, susceptible, and grossly outweighed, despite occasional overstatement affecting precision.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.5

A wide range of sentence structures is used with good flexibility and control, and errors are minor and rarely impede communication.