Children Spending Hours Daily on Smartphones

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Annotated response

15 correction notes

Showing 15 correction notes.

A section of the young generation on mobile phones daily. This is because of social media and assignments. However, this is a detrimental trend This essay will explain in detail the reasons for my stance as well as examples in the subsequent paragraphs.

To begin with, the most compelling factor for by children is social media. The majority of youngsters use most social networks to do a lot of activities such as chatting and watching funny videos in order to relax stress. For instance ,most young people use social networks like Facebook, every day. They spend at least 6 hours. Although funny videos help them relax stress, . to do their research.Most students do not have money to buy laptops so they tend to use their phones mostly for their assignments. their smartphones each day.

Secondly, this is a negative development When they are using their phones, their eyes are glued to the screen of the phones in the long run. For example ,a colleague of mine is blind as a result of his eyes being glued to his phone for a long time. should limit phone use so that the citizens will be healthier. It causes deafness because of radiation emitted into the body because of its continued use of it.

In conclusion, the essay argued about factors as well as the negative trends of smartphones. Social networks and research are the two main reasons youngsters use phones for a long time whereas associated with it.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 6.0

The response addresses both parts of the question with a clear negative stance and relevant reasons, which is its strongest aspect. The main limitation is shallow and sometimes implausible development, together with repetitive vocabulary and frequent grammatical errors that occasionally strain communication.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

Task Response

6.0

The response addresses both questions with a clear position and relevant ideas, but development is thin and supported by weak or implausible examples, such as the claim that a colleague became blind from phone use.

Coherence and Cohesion

6.0

Progression is broadly clear across paragraphs, but cohesion is mechanical, with formulaic framing, abrupt transitions, and sentences loosely linked, such as the unprompted policy suggestion in the third paragraph.

Lexical Resource

6.0

Vocabulary is adequate for the task, with some appropriate collocations, but it is repetitive (phone use, eyes glued, relax stress) and occasionally imprecise, such as 'a long duration of their time'.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.0

A mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, but errors are frequent, including faulty parallelism, dangling constructions, and agreement problems, though the meaning is mostly recoverable.