Children Spending Hours Daily on Smartphones

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Annotated response

17 correction notes

Showing 17 correction notes.

Mobile phones have become widely used in recent years. However, these days scientists want to know the reasons for the alarming trend of by many , and explore its ramifications on youths experiencing this. I believe that using mobile phones at a very young age could have detrimental effects on family relationships and children’s mental health as well.

one of the main reasons why use smartphones is because of parents’ preoccupation. In other words, when fathers and mothers , they do not have enough time to communicate with their offspring. This can be witnessed in Egypt where many single mothers in order to secure for their children. Thus it is recommended that guardians should dedicate more time to their offspring to avoid family relationship gaps.

mobiles could have deleterious effects on cognitive skills. To illustrate, if young children use smartphones for a long time, they might develop mental problems. For example, research conducted by some psychologists at Cairo University, in Egypt, stated that 30 per cent of children who at a young age suffered from . Hence, it can be said that phones could be of a damaging impact on youths’ mentality.

In conclusion, after this essay has manifested the points above, it can be reiterated that busy caretakers might lead to the by their children, and this could have a negative effect on their as well as the family relationship.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 7.0

The response's strongest aspect is its broad vocabulary range and clear overall structure, with both parts of the question addressed and supported by examples. The main limitation is that some word choices and grammatical constructions are unnatural, and the supporting evidence, such as the autism claim, is presented uncritically.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

Task Response

7.0

The response addresses both questions with a clear negative position, develops main ideas about parental preoccupation and mental health, and supports them with examples, though the evidence is somewhat questionable.

Coherence and Cohesion

7.0

Ideas progress logically across well-managed paragraphs with a range of cohesive devices, though linking is at times mechanical, as in the formulaic opening and closing sentences.

Lexical Resource

7.0

There is a wide vocabulary range with attempts at less common items such as 'ramifications', 'deleterious', and 'offspring', but several collocations are awkward or unnatural.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0

A variety of complex structures, including conditionals and relative clauses, is used with generally good control, though some constructions are faulty or strained, such as 'use smartphones on a wide range' and 'busy caretakers might lead'.