Sample response & feedback

Letter to Manager Requesting Internal Department Transfer

Question

View question5 sample responses · Bands 6.0–7.5

You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter: • say what you have learned in your present job • suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department • explain why you do not wish to leave the company Dear ……………………,

Annotated response

18 correction notes

Dear Sir, I am writing to to work of the hospital. As you might already know, I have been working as a junior physiotherapist for two role to of patients. as a junior PT has not only my communication skills but also taught me how to manage multiple patients simultaneously. I , as I have gained sufficient experience. My educational and clinical background will significantly contribute treatment plans, educating patients and performing risk assessments. Consequently, can be achieved.

I would love to continue working with this hospital due to and . I share with my colleagues and future career growth.

positive consideration of my request. when to discuss this further. Yours faithfully, Mansi

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 6.0

The letter covers all three bullet points and maintains a suitably formal tone, with clear career-focused detail about skills and motivation to stay. The main limitation is that the suggested benefit is framed as a promotion to a senior role rather than a move to a different department, and recurring grammar and word-choice errors reduce precision throughout.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

TA Task Achievement

6.0

The letter addresses all bullet points with a formal tone and relevant detail, but the request for promotion to a senior physiotherapist only partially fulfils the requirement to suggest a move to a different department.

CC Coherence and Cohesion

6.0

Ideas follow a logical order, but the large opening paragraph combines the purpose, learned skills and proposed benefits, while the fragment 'Considering bond I share...' interrupts progression.

LR Lexical Resource

6.0

Vocabulary is generally adequate for the workplace context with some apt phrases such as 'clinical background' and 'patient satisfaction', but errors like 'Woking', 'hands on skills' and 'request you regarding opportunity' show imprecise word choice.

GRA Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.0

A range of structures is attempted, including present perfect and 'not only... but also', yet frequent errors such as 'sharpen' for 'sharpened', 'different kind of patients' and sentence fragments reduce accuracy.

More responses with feedback

View all 5 responses (6.0–7.5)