Sample response & feedback

Letter to Manager Requesting Internal Department Transfer

Question

View question5 sample responses · Bands 6.0–7.5

You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter: • say what you have learned in your present job • suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department • explain why you do not wish to leave the company Dear ……………………,

Annotated response

18 correction notes

Dear Sir,

I am writing this letter you to as after , I personally think that I find myself more valuable in the same organization.

During my analyst role in data I have various challenges like solving data problems, visualising data and risk management. So, during my previous project our team various problems and we looked upon the easily solved all the problems and to the head of the department and at that time he the HR team. So, after thinking about this of weeks, I thought of giving myself and .

If my application got rejected for the job change, however, I am not planning to leave this because during my degree, I as well as my internship from this organization.

I would be grateful if my application , from you soon.

Yours faithfully, Shivam Patel

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 6.0

The letter makes the transfer request clear and explains the writer's loyalty through the scholarship and internship history. It describes workplace experience, but leaves the learning implicit and does not clearly explain how the company would benefit from the move. Frequent grammatical and word-choice errors also make parts of the message effortful to follow.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

TA Task Achievement

6.0

The transfer request and reasons for staying are clear, and workplace experience is described, but what the writer has learned remains implicit and the company's benefit from the move is not clearly explained.

CC Coherence and Cohesion

6.0

Ideas are arranged in a broadly logical order with paragraphing that follows the bullets, though some sentences are confusing and cohesion relies on basic linkers like so and however used inaccurately.

LR Lexical Resource

6.0

The writer shows adequate vocabulary range for the workplace topic, but errors such as 'look up on my job stats', 'overcome with various challenges', and misspellings like 'chnage', 'goot' and 'orgization' reduce precision.

GRA Grammatical Range and Accuracy

5.5

Sentence structures are attempted with some complexity, but frequent errors in verb forms, articles and agreement, such as 'to requesting' and 'my application get accepted', reduce accuracy and sometimes clarity.

More responses with feedback

View all 5 responses (6.0–7.5)