, I am writing this letter to . Currently, as a housekeeper in your hotel two years. , I . Apart from this, I also learned , collaboration and coordination while working with other team members. You will be delighted to know that I have completed my MBA. am looking for something that relates to my field, in a housekeeping department . Moreover, the experience and knowledge I gained from this program will help the company to grow. Being a responsible and dedicated worker, I want to continue with the same company. I also the I have no plans to . I am hoping to hear from you. , Hardeep Kaur
Sample response & feedback
Letter to Manager Requesting Internal Department Transfer
Question
You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter: • say what you have learned in your present job • suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department • explain why you do not wish to leave the company Dear ……………………,
Annotated response
17 correction notes
Showing 17 correction notes.
Overall assessment
Why this response received Band 6.5
The letter addresses all three bullet points and communicates its purpose clearly, with a friendly semi-formal tone. The benefit to the company needs more specific explanation, since the MBA is linked only to general growth. Imprecise word choice, recurring grammatical errors, mechanical linking and the repeated word company also weaken the response.
IELTS criteria
How each score was decided
TA Task Achievement
6.5The letter addresses learned skills, a departmental move and reasons for staying, but the company benefit is only a general claim that MBA knowledge will help it grow, without explaining its value at the front desk.
CC Coherence and Cohesion
7.0The content follows a logical sequence, with individual sections separated by single line breaks, but repeated use of thus makes linking mechanical and the duplicated company interrupts the ending.
LR Lexical Resource
6.0Vocabulary is adequate for the task, with appropriate items such as collaboration and dedicated, but enroll is unsuitable for an internal job transfer and phrases such as is not my future goals lack precision.
GRA Grammatical Range and Accuracy
6.0A range of structures is attempted, including complex sentences, but frequent errors such as 'for last two years', 'is not my future goals', and 'valued from the management' affect accuracy without blocking meaning.