Sample response & feedback

Letter to Manager Requesting Internal Department Transfer

Question

View question5 sample responses · Bands 6.0–7.5

You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter: • say what you have learned in your present job • suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department • explain why you do not wish to leave the company Dear ……………………,

Annotated response

10 correction notes

Dear

I am writing to express my interest in transferring to a different department within our company to further my career development. I am hoping that you will help me .

Over the past two years in my current role as an Assistant Project Manager, I have gained valuable experience in project management, client relations, data analysis and . This role has helped me develop a strong understanding of how our industry works and how to effectively carry out important projects, which I believe can be beneficial in other areas of our organization.

I am particularly interested in moving to the and Development team because I believe my skills and experience align well with the work being done there. By making this transition, I can contribute fresh insights while also expanding my expertise, ultimately adding more value to the company. Additionally, a new challenge will allow me to grow professionally while remaining committed to our organization’s goals.

I deeply appreciate the opportunities I have had here and would within the company. If possible, I would appreciate a discussion on how we can make this transition smooth and beneficial for .

I look forward to your positive response.

Yours sincerely,

Eric Buchanan

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 7.5

The letter is a strong, professionally worded response that fulfils all three bullet points with developed, relevant detail and a consistently appropriate formal tone. The main limitation is that some justification, particularly the company benefit and reasons for staying, could be more concrete and specific to strengthen persuasion.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

TA Task Achievement

8.0

The letter directly addresses all three bullets from the prompt, explains what was learned as an Assistant Project Manager, argues the company benefit of a move to the System Analysis and Development team, and clearly states the wish to stay, using a suitable formal register throughout.

CC Coherence and Cohesion

7.5

Ideas progress logically from purpose to experience, transfer proposal, and commitment to the company, with cohesive devices such as 'Additionally' and clear paragraphing that produce fluent overall sequencing.

LR Lexical Resource

7.5

Vocabulary is flexible and mostly precise, with natural professional phrasing such as 'career development', 'fresh insights', and 'adding more value to the company', showing good awareness of register.

GRA Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.5

A wide range of sentence structures is used with good control, including complex forms like 'By making this transition, I can contribute fresh insights while also expanding my expertise', with only minor, non-impeding imperfections.

More responses with feedback

View all 5 responses (6.0–7.5)