Sports as a Big Business with High Earnings

The essay clearly supports commercialisation through motivation and training investment. The Brazil example needs a more qualified causal claim; participation is discussed in the body, but the conclusion adds an undeveloped health benefit.

Clear paragraphs and signposts guide the argument from athlete motivation to business investment. The long investment sentence and shifting references to the team, players, companies and advertisements occasionally make connections less immediate.

Vocabulary is sufficiently flexible and precise for the topic, including items like lucrative, allocate, and financial incentives, with occasional slightly awkward or inaccurate phrasing.

A variety of complex structures, including conditionals and relative clauses, is used with generally good control, and errors are minor and rarely impede meaning.

The positive position is clear and both sides are discussed, but the case for fair pay and the general benefits of sport needs a closer link to why commercialisation benefits sport itself.

The line-break sections follow a logical sequence from position to drawbacks, benefits and conclusion. Clearer paragraph separation and a less crowded training-and-career sentence would improve readability.

Vocabulary is flexible and precise, using natural collocations such as brand ambassadors, subpar performances, and financial compensation, with only minor inaccuracy.

A wide range of complex structures is used with flexibility and accuracy, and errors are rare and do not impede meaning.