Mandatory Childhood Vaccination vs Parental Choice

Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by law to immunise their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children?

7 sample answers, estimated Band 5.0–8.0. Your turn?

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From essays on this question

Essay ideas: Mandatory Childhood Vaccination vs Parental Choice

WhyThis is anOpinion essay — it asks whether you agree or disagree with a statement.

SoWe split the ideas intoReasons to agree(supports the statement)andReasons to disagree(argues against it).

Reasons to agree

6 ideas

Reasons to disagree

6 ideas

Same question · Different responses

Sample responses and feedback

Response 01

Must fixSuggested

Essay · 291 words · 4 paragraphs · 20 comments

Score details

Response 01
Estimated band5.0/ 9

Overall assessment

The response states a clear position favouring legal enforcement of vaccination and ends with a concrete policy proposal, which is its strongest feature. Its main limitation is that much of the essay discusses parental care in general rather than the vaccination question itself, and frequent inaccurate word choices and grammatical errors repeatedly obscure the message.

TR

Task Response

The position in favour of legally requiring immunisation is eventually stated and a supporting measure is proposed, but most of the response addresses general parental care rather than the question, leaving ideas only partially developed and relevantly supported.

5.0
CC

Coherence and Cohesion

Ideas are arranged into paragraphs but progression is often unclear because general remarks about parenting and health are not linked to the vaccination issue, and cohesive devices such as 'That's why' and 'because of that' connect ideas imprecisely.

5.0
LR

Lexical Resource

Vocabulary shows some attempt at less common items but includes frequent inappropriate choices, such as 'threatening creatures', 'it must be a scandal', 'another variant could not be perceptible' and 'immunity system', which limit precision of meaning.

5.0
GRA

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

A limited range of sentence structures is attempted, but frequent errors, including 'an aid of protection', 'their immunity system is just started', 'the body will destroy' and 'pay attentions', regularly obscure meaning in places.

5.0

What to work on next

Focus every paragraph directly on the immunisation question and revise wording and sentence structure so each argument is expressed accurately and clearly.

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Useful vocabulary: Mandatory Childhood Vaccination vs Parental Choice

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Sentence patterns: Mandatory Childhood Vaccination vs Parental Choice

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Part 2

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