Do Hobbies Need to Be Difficult to Be Enjoyable

Response 01

Must fixSuggested

Clean text

Essay · 343 words · 1 paragraph · 21 comments

Comments

Must fixLR

Use the correct preposition

Original: a fondness of
Replace with: a fondness for
Why: The noun “fondness” takes “for” when naming what someone likes.

Must fixLR

Name a series of novels naturally

Original: the series novel Harry Potter
Replace with: the Harry Potter series
Why: “Series novel” reverses the intended relationship: Harry Potter is a series, not a single novel called a series novel.

Must fixGRA

Keep the habitual present tense

Original: I wanted
Replace with: I want
Why: The surrounding verbs describe what happens regularly now, so “wanted” introduces an unexplained past-time shift.

Must fixLR

Use the term for used books

Original: preloaded books
Replace with: second-hand books
Why: “Preloaded” usually describes digital material already installed on a device. Your example explicitly concerns purchasing second-hand books.

SuggestedLR

Use a natural approximation

Original: an equivalent of half a US dollar
Replace with: roughly half a US dollar
Why: “An equivalent of” is awkward here. “Roughly” presents the conversion as approximate rather than treating the whole price range as one exact equivalent.

Must fixLR

Use the verb’s required preposition

Original: engage to
Replace with: engage in
Why: We “engage in” an activity, not “engage to” it.

Must fixGRA

Introduce examples with “such as”

Original: such sky-diving
Replace with: such as sky-diving
Why: “As” is required when “such” introduces this list of example hobbies.

Must fixLR

Use the established expression

Original: by our hands
Replace with: by hand
Why: “By hand” describes feeding directly with the hands; “by our hands” is not the natural expression here.

Must fixGRA

Keep the comparison in the present

Original: like others wanted to do
Replace with: as some others want to do
Why: The comparison concerns current preferences, so there is no reason to shift to “wanted”.

Must fixGRA

Complete the verb patterns

Original: think how much money we spent for
Replace with: think about how much money we have spent on
Why: Use “spend money on” an activity. “Think about” clearly expresses continuing concern, while “have spent” connects expenditure already made to the present worry; past expenditure itself is not an error.

SuggestedLR

Make the opening concise

Applies to: Paragraph 1
Suggestion: People often pursue hobbies they enjoy to escape the stress of work.
Why: “Have to have enjoyment through things we always like to do” obscures the simple point; “so we do have a certain hobby” adds an unnecessary universal claim.

Must fixTR

State disagreement accurately

Applies to: Paragraph 1
Suggestion: However, hobbies do not need to be difficult to be enjoyable: we can take pleasure in activities we love and can afford.
Why: “Should not be extreme” says hobbies ought not to be extreme, rather than that difficulty is unnecessary. The revision also removes the incomplete “pleasure we want to”.

Must fixGRA

Express a continuing habit

Applies to: Paragraph 1
Suggestion: I have loved reading since preschool, and I read every weekend or whenever I am not busy with my hospital work.
Why: Use the present perfect with “since” for a feeling continuing to the present. “Whenever” also supplies the missing time link after “or”.

Must fixLR

Clarify how affordability helps

Applies to: Paragraph 1
Suggestion: In addition, the affordability of these books adds to my enjoyment.
Why: “It more added to our indulgence” has unclear reference and an unnatural verb pattern. “My” keeps the point connected to your personal reading example.

SuggestedCC

Give the pronoun a clear referent

Applies to: Paragraph 1
Suggestion: This makes reading an inexpensive hobby.
Why: “It” could refer to the book or the activity. The revision explicitly connects the price example to reading.

Must fixGRA

Make the modifiers parallel

Applies to: Paragraph 1
Suggestion: In conclusion, activities that match our interests and remain affordable can be pleasurable.
Why: “Activities of our great interest” is unnatural, and “at the same time economical” lacks a clear grammatical link. Both qualities now modify “activities”.

Must fixGRA

Clarify the subject and purpose

Applies to: Paragraph 1
Suggestion: A hobby does not have to be difficult or risky for us to enjoy it.
Why: The two instances of “it” have unclear references, while “would want it to have fun” suggests that “it” has fun. Name the hobby and the person experiencing enjoyment.

SuggestedCC

Give the argument visible stages

Applies to: Paragraph 1
Suggestion: Separate the opening position, the reading example, the affordability comparison and the conclusion into distinct paragraphs.
Why: The whole essay is presented as one paragraph despite several distinct reasoning stages. Paragraph breaks would help readers follow the argument.

SuggestedTR

Develop the relevant benefit

Applies to: Paragraph 1
Suggestion: After the reading example, explain what makes it enjoyable, such as engagement with the story, and how that enjoyment can occur without a difficult task.
Why: Sitting comfortably shows low physical effort, but the argument also needs to explain why an easy activity brings pleasure; do not rely only on stating that you love it.

SuggestedTR

Keep the comparison about difficulty

Applies to: Paragraph 1
Suggestion: In the extreme-hobbies comparison, distinguish difficulty from danger and expense. Acknowledge that a hobby can be challenging without being risky or costly, then explain why challenge is still unnecessary for your enjoyment.
Why: The paragraph treats difficult, dangerous and expensive hobbies as if they were the same. The prompt asks specifically whether difficulty is necessary.

SuggestedCC

Untangle the long contrast

Applies to: Paragraph 1
Suggestion: Split the sentence beginning “Whereas when” after the examples. Begin with “By contrast” and use a second sentence to explain how worrying about cost can reduce enjoyment.
Why: The sentence nests “whereas”, “when”, “then” and “if” around several examples. Separate the comparison from its consequence so each relationship is easy to follow.

Score details

Response 01

Estimated band6.0/ 9

Overall assessment

The response clearly disagrees that hobbies must be difficult and supports its view with an extended reading example. The main ideas are understandable, but the essay remains one continuous paragraph and often treats difficulty, danger and expense as interchangeable. Frequent tense, preposition and sentence-construction problems also reduce precision. Separating the argument into paragraphs and explaining how enjoyment can arise without difficulty would make the response more focused.

Task Response

The essay addresses the question with a clear position against hobbies needing to be difficult, supported by developed personal examples, though the support is anecdotal and somewhat narrow in perspective.

6.0

Coherence and Cohesion

The sequence of ideas is broadly clear, but the essay is presented as one continuous paragraph. Repeated linkers and the long extreme-hobbies comparison make its organisation harder to follow.

6.0

Lexical Resource

Vocabulary is adequate for the message with some topic-appropriate items, but it is often informal and includes inaccurate collocations such as 'fondness of' and 'engage to extremely hard hobbies'.

6.0

GRA

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

A mix of simple and complex sentences is attempted, yet errors in agreement, tense, and sentence construction occur frequently without seriously impeding meaning.

6.0

What to work on next

Separate the introduction, reading example, cost comparison and conclusion into paragraphs. Keep the argument focused on difficulty rather than danger or expense, then check tense choices and verb prepositions.

Response 02

Must fixSuggested

Clean text

Essay · 326 words · 4 paragraphs · 19 comments

Comments

Must fixLR

Use a verb that fits recovery

Original: rejuvenate from hectic schedules
Replace with: recover from their hectic schedules
Why: Rejuvenate from is not the usual construction for recovering after a demanding schedule. Recover from expresses this relationship clearly.

Must fixCC

Make the reference explicit

Original: Some of them
Replace with: Some people
Why: The preceding sentence mentions pastimes and any person; them leaves the group making the claim unclear.

Must fixLR

Preserve the question’s meaning

Original: tedious
Replace with: difficult
Why: Tedious means boring or monotonous, while the question is about difficulty. A difficult hobby can still be interesting.

Must fixGRA

Invert the auxiliary after only then

Original: only then it is
Replace with: only then is it
Why: When only then introduces this clause, place the auxiliary is before the subject it: only then is it feasible.

Must fixLR

Use the correct preposition

Original: in my perspective
Replace with: from my perspective
Why: The established expression is from my perspective, or in my view.

SuggestedLR

Use the standard verb for disagreement

Original: disaccord with
Replace with: disagree with
Why: Disaccord is a rare, old-fashioned verb. Disagree makes your stance immediately clear in modern academic writing without drawing attention to an unusual expression.

Must fixLR

Use a verb that introduces a belief

Original: foster that
Replace with: believe that
Why: Foster means encourage the development of something and does not introduce a belief with that in this way.

Must fixGRA

Use the verb form

Original: advice
Replace with: advise
Why: Advice is a noun; after the subject therapists, this clause needs the verb advise.

Must fixLR

Name a break from worries

Original: a noteworthy deviation
Replace with: a welcome distraction
Why: Deviation means a departure from a norm or course. A distraction is something that temporarily takes attention away from worries.

Must fixCC

Clarify the opinion and its subject

Applies to: Paragraph 2
Suggestion: Nevertheless, I believe that leisure activities should help people relax rather than place additional pressure on them.
Why: Anticipate predicts something, whereas this sentence states your view. Naming leisure activities also resolves the unclear singular it and makes the contrast coherent.

Must fixLR

Use collocations that express the intended action

Applies to: Paragraph 2
Suggestion: Young people incorporate these pastimes into their daily lives to ease psychological stress.
Why: Inculcate normally concerns instilling ideas or habits in someone, and forego means give up. Incorporate into and ease stress express adopting hobbies to reduce pressure.

Must fixLR

Make the final contrast parallel

Applies to: Paragraph 2
Suggestion: Hence, excessive difficulty may cause people additional stress rather than help them enjoy their leisure time.
Why: Liable to added disturbances does not clearly express the intended stress, and rather than enjoying lacks a parallel construction. The revision contrasts causing stress with helping people enjoy leisure.

SuggestedTR

Connect relaxation to the disputed condition

Applies to: Paragraph 2
Suggestion: Choose one listed pastime and explain how an easy version can be enjoyable after a stressful day. Connect that example explicitly to why difficulty is unnecessary.
Why: Most of the paragraph establishes that hobbies are useful. An easy-hobby example would establish the more relevant point that enjoyment does not require difficulty.

Must fixGRA

Repair the clause and express the intended benefit

Applies to: Paragraph 3
Suggestion: This gives pupils a break from their studies and can reduce mental pressure.
Why: The original incorrectly joins makes pupils with are. Distracted from their studies also suggests an unwanted loss of focus, whereas the surrounding argument presents a beneficial break.

Must fixGRA

Identify who makes the choice

Applies to: Paragraph 3
Suggestion: The educational department is considering making at least two co-curricular activities compulsory while allowing students to choose the activities they prefer.
Why: In the original, can select shares the subject educational department. The revised sentence states that students choose the activities.

SuggestedCC

Clarify what improves concentration

Applies to: Paragraph 3
Suggestion: They are encouraging their wards to take ample breaks during study hours, as these breaks can help them concentrate more effectively.
Why: Naming these breaks removes the ambiguous which after study hours. Can help expresses the proposed benefit without guaranteeing optimal concentration.

SuggestedTR

Make the school example relevant and specific

Applies to: Paragraph 3
Suggestion: Use the proposed student choice to develop your argument: explain how choosing an accessible activity they personally enjoy could make school leisure time satisfying without extra difficulty.
Why: The paragraph explains the value of breaks, but its detail about choosing activities can support a more direct argument about personal enjoyment rather than difficulty.

Must fixLR

Use the appropriate verb-object pairing

Original: invoking hurdles
Replace with: creating obstacles
Why: Invoke means call upon or appeal to something; it does not naturally mean create a difficulty.

SuggestedTR

Give a direct answer in the conclusion

Applies to: Paragraph 4
Suggestion: State explicitly that hobbies do not have to be difficult to be enjoyable, while retaining your emphasis on relaxation and happiness.
Why: The contrast with hurdles implies your position, but a clear statement about necessity would close the argument more precisely.

Score details

Response 02

Estimated band6.5/ 9

Overall assessment

The response presents a clear, consistent disagreement with the statement and supports it with relevant examples about stress relief and student wellbeing. The main limitation is a tendency toward off-focus content in the second body paragraph and word choices that are often ambitious but inaccurate, which occasionally clouds meaning.

Task Response

The position is clear and maintained throughout with relevant supporting ideas, but development is uneven and the discussion of government school policies is only loosely connected to whether hobbies must be difficult.

6.0

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay has a logical overall structure with linking devices, but some transitions and connections, such as the shift to schooling measures, feel mechanical or weakly justified.

6.0

Lexical Resource

There is a wide range of less common vocabulary, yet frequent inexact usage such as 'tedious', 'disaccord', 'foster', 'additive pressure' and 'advice' reduces precision at times.

6.0

GRA

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

A variety of complex structures is used with generally good control, and errors in agreement or phrasing are mostly minor and rarely impede understanding.

7.0

What to work on next

Keep every body paragraph tightly focused on why hobbies do not need to be difficult, replacing exaggerated or misused vocabulary with precise, natural word choices.

Response 03

Must fixSuggested

Clean text

Essay · 270 words · 4 paragraphs · 12 comments

Comments

Must fixGRA

Use one contrast structure

Applies to: Paragraph 1
Suggestion: Although some people agree with the statement, I personally disagree with it, since everyone has his own interest.
Why: Although introduces the concessive clause, so the following main clause should not also begin with but. Remove but to keep one contrast structure.

Must fixLR

Complete the collocation

Original: trigger the adrenalin
Replace with: trigger an adrenaline rush
Why: An activity triggers an adrenaline rush; it does not normally trigger the substance itself.

SuggestedLR

Name what is overcome

Original: when people could conquer these activities
Replace with: if people could overcome these challenges
Why: If makes the imagined achievement explicit and fits the following would. Overcome these challenges names what is mastered more naturally than conquer these activities, while retaining could.

SuggestedLR

Avoid duplicated meaning

Original: accomplishment and achievement
Replace with: sense of achievement
Why: Accomplishment and achievement convey almost the same idea here; sense of achievement identifies the feeling that makes the hobby satisfying.

Must fixGRA

Use a noun after require

Original: expertise or breathtaking
Replace with: expertise
Why: Breathtaking is an adjective, so it cannot name a requirement alongside expertise. Remove this unclear item; if you intend a second requirement, name it with a noun rather than leaving the adjective alone.

Must fixGRA

Keep the requirements parallel

Applies to: Paragraph 2
Suggestion: To take part in those hobbies, people need to be physically fit and to master some sophisticated techniques.
Why: People need to be fit and to master techniques. In the original, people becomes the subject of require them, leaving an unclear relationship between the people and the requirements.

SuggestedTR

Address necessity directly

Applies to: Paragraph 2
Suggestion: After describing the satisfaction of mastering a demanding activity, distinguish the claim that difficulty can increase enjoyment from the stronger claim that difficulty is necessary for enjoyment.
Why: The examples explain why some people like difficult hobbies, but the question asks whether hobbies must be difficult.

Must fixGRA

Use plurals for varied preferences

Original: different interest, passion and hobby
Replace with: different interests, passions and hobbies
Why: People have a variety of interests, passions and hobbies, so these countable nouns need plural forms here.

Must fixGRA

Give each adjective its preposition

Original: satisfied and proud of
Replace with: satisfied with and proud of
Why: Satisfied takes with, whereas proud takes of. Sharing of does not work for both adjectives.

SuggestedTR

Connect the inference to enjoyment

Applies to: Paragraph 3
Suggestion: Therefore, the difficulty of a hobby alone does not determine how enjoyable it is.
Why: Hobbies can be ranked by difficulty. Your examples support the narrower point that difficulty does not determine enjoyment, which answers the question more directly.

SuggestedTR

Explain the source of enjoyment

Applies to: Paragraph 3
Suggestion: Explain what makes the stamp collection satisfying, such as the personal meaning the collector attaches to it, rather than relying only on the statement that it is unique and diverse.
Why: The collection example supports your position more clearly if you explain how pleasure comes from personal interest without requiring the activity to be difficult.

SuggestedCC

Summarise the actual argument

Applies to: Paragraph 4
Suggestion: In the opening conclusion sentence, summarise the contrast between enjoyment from overcoming challenges and enjoyment from personal interest, then retain your final position.
Why: Saying that some hobbies are difficult and others easy repeats a background distinction rather than the reasons developed in the body.

Score details

Response 03

Estimated band7.0/ 9

Overall assessment

The response presents a clear position and covers both sides of the argument with relevant examples, showing its main strength in task coverage. The main limitation is a somewhat formulaic structure with occasional mechanical linking and wordiness that reduces the polish of the argument.

Task Response

The response addresses all parts of the task with a clear, consistent position, develops main ideas on both sides, and supports them with relevant examples such as extreme sports and stamp collecting.

7.0

Coherence and Cohesion

Ideas are organised logically into a concession, the writer’s response and a conclusion. However, the move from varied preferences to the claim that hobbies cannot be ranked by difficulty is not fully explained, and the conclusion initially repeats background information rather than synthesising the reasons.

6.5

Lexical Resource

Topic vocabulary such as accomplishment, expertise and adrenalin conveys the main ideas, but expressions such as trigger the adrenalin and conquer those hobbies are awkward. Breathtaking is also used where the intended requirement needs a noun, and accomplishment and achievement repeat much the same meaning.

7.0

GRA

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

A range of complex structures is used and the meaning remains clear. Errors include although combined with but, singular countable nouns in people have different interest, passion and hobby, and the faulty coordination people need ... and require them to master.

7.0

What to work on next

Explain why personal interest can make a simple hobby enjoyable, then connect that example to your conclusion. Check although/but clauses, parallel verb structures and plural countable nouns.

Essay ideas: Do Hobbies Need to Be Difficult to Be Enjoyable

Reasons to agree

Reasons to disagree

Sample responses and feedback

Response 01

Score details

Overall assessment

Task Response

Coherence and Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

What to work on next

Response 02

Score details

Overall assessment

Task Response

Coherence and Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

What to work on next

Response 03

Score details

Overall assessment

Task Response

Coherence and Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

What to work on next

Useful vocabulary: Do Hobbies Need to Be Difficult to Be Enjoyable

fun and satisfying

difficulty level

Write your response

fun and satisfying

difficulty level

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