Sample response & feedback

Telling Children They Can Achieve Anything

Question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Annotated response

10 correction notes

Showing 10 correction notes.

In many cultures, children are frequently given the message that they can accomplish anything if they work hard enough. While this message has some advantages, it also has certain disadvantages that must be taken into consideration. This essay will outline both the advantages and demerits of this practice.

One benefit of this is that it can instil and motivation in children. When youngsters are encouraged to believe that they can achieve anything with effort and determination, they are more likely to persevere through difficult tasks and setbacks. This can help them develop such as resilience, self-efficacy, and a growth mindset. For instance, children who are told that they can achieve anything they set their mind to may be more willing to take on new challenges, even if they are initially daunting. If a child wants to learn a new skill or participate in an activity that they are not yet proficient in, they may be more likely to try if they have the belief that they can eventually succeed with hard work and perseverance.

However, there are also some potential drawbacks to this message. For one, it may set unrealistic expectations for children, particularly if they are not given the necessary resources or opportunities to succeed. Additionally, if children are constantly told that they can achieve anything through hard work alone, it may lead them to overlook the role that other factors such as education, luck, privilege, and societal structures play in success. This could ultimately result in feelings of frustration, self-blame, and demotivation if they do not achieve the outcomes they desire.

In conclusion, while the message that children can achieve anything through hard work has its advantages in terms of building confidence and motivation, it is important to consider the potential drawbacks as well. It is hoped that parents and teachers young children to work hard but also take into consideration other factors that are important for success.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 7.0

The response's strongest aspect is its balanced, well-organized treatment of both advantages and disadvantages, supported by relevant explanation. The main limitation is that development remains somewhat general and formulaic, with ideas elaborated predictably rather than extended with precise, specific support.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

TR Task Response

7.0

The response addresses both parts of the question directly, presents clear main ideas on confidence and unrealistic expectations, and supports them with relevant explanation, though development is somewhat general rather than fully extended.

CC Coherence and Cohesion

7.0

Ideas progress logically through clear paragraphs and a balanced conclusion. Some links remain general: the final drawback sentence begins with an imprecise “This,” and the introduction repeats its promise to discuss both sides.

LR Lexical Resource

7.0

Vocabulary includes relevant terms such as resilience, self-efficacy and a growth mindset. Precision could improve where these are grouped as “skills,” and phrases such as “a sense of self-confidence” could be more concise.

GRA Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0

A variety of complex structures, including conditionals and relative clauses, is used with generally good control, and errors are rare and non-impeding.