Sample response & feedback

Telling Children They Can Achieve Anything

Question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Annotated response

10 correction notes

Showing 10 correction notes.

Nowadays, many parents, especially Asian ones, tend to because as long as they do so, they certainly will be successful. I think there are many advantages to this philosophy.

It is undeniable that there are many benefits to telling children so. The first reason, obvious as it is, is that this will encourage children to become much more diligent. Self-discipline is to develop for almost anyone, and telling children that success awaits them if they work hard incentivizes them to become self-disciplined. As a result, they stand a better chance of being successful since they are more goal-oriented and determined. Another reason is that these children will exhibit appreciation for hard-working people. They will perceive these people as also wanting to be successful like them and thus appreciate their diligence. Therefore, these children would be more grateful and humble towards other people.

However, there are certain disadvantages to teaching children to expect success once they have worked hard. The first disadvantage is that these children can ignore other factors for success, such as natural talent, soft skills, attitude, or connections. For example, a child might be so engrossed in one's studies that one neglects to make friends, which might serve as crucial connections many years later. The second disadvantage is that children will show if this philosophy fails them. For example, when children study hard for their university entrance exam but cannot get into their dream school, they will blame themselves for not working hard enough. In the long run, this will be mentally exhausting for them.

In conclusion, there are both advantages and disadvantages to telling children that once they work hard, success will come. Generally, I think parents should encourage their children to work hard for their success, but diligence should not be the only factor leading to success.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 7.0

The essay discusses both sides in a clear structure and ends with a qualified recommendation. Examples of neglected friendships and university admission make the disadvantages concrete. The advantages need more explanation, particularly the move from respecting effort to gratitude and humility. Language is generally controlled, but the missing second as, shifting pronouns in the friendship example and imprecise self-deprecating behaviors weaken accuracy and precision.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

TR Task Response

7.0

The essay addresses both sides and gives relevant examples of neglected friendships and university admission. The advantages are less fully supported: the links to self-discipline, gratitude and humility need more explanation.

CC Coherence and Cohesion

7.0

Paragraphs clearly separate the advantages and disadvantages, and sequencing is easy to follow. Repeated reason labels are less precise than benefit labels here, and the move from appreciation to gratitude needs a clearer logical link.

LR Lexical Resource

7.0

Vocabulary is varied, with apt expressions such as goal-oriented and engrossed in studies. Some choices need greater precision, including educate children to try hard and self-deprecating behaviors for harmful self-blame.

GRA Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0

A wide range of complex structures is used with good control, including conditionals and relative clauses, despite some awkward constructions such as inconsistent pronoun use with one.