It is certainly true that payment is a necessary thing to consider in preferring a line of work, but it is not the most important one. a harmonious workplace and love of work are the leading factors in choosing a job. For one, working with people in our job area harmoniously is more significantly weighed in work preference than what a person may earn. For example, I am currently working as an ICU (Intensive Care Unit) nurse in a tertiary level and a private hospital called the Urdaneta Sacred Heart Hospital here in the Philippines, and I have chosen to work in this unit because I have too many companions in the hospital. My workmates, friendship and support for my career growth are things that I considered more important than my earnings every month. So I believe that working in a harmonious environment is more about taking into considerations. In addition to this, loving what we do is as important as working in an environment harmoniously when choosing an occupation. For instance, I have a strong compassion for other people, especially for the elderly as well as I love touching their lives make a difference, which is nursing is all about. Thus, I preferred to become an ICU nurse. I am also certain that all of the professionals chose their line of occupation because they are happy with what they are actually doing. In conclusion, harmoniously interacting with our co-workers in our work environment and being satisfied with what we are doing are the most important considerations in selecting a job. It is not the salary. So choose an occupation with a supportive environment and that you are .
Salary as the Main Factor When Choosing a Job
When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Annotated response
3 correction notes
Overall assessment
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay maintains a clear disagreement and supports two relevant reasons with personal nursing examples. However, it is presented as one continuous block, making the stages harder to follow. Awkward clause structures and imprecise expressions also reduce clarity. The strongest revision would improve paragraphing and sentence construction while keeping the personal evidence and position.
IELTS criteria
How each score was decided
Task Response
6.5The response addresses the task with a clear, consistent disagreement and develops two relevant main ideas with concrete personal examples, though development is at times repetitive and the conclusion becomes overly conversational.
Coherence and Cohesion
5.5The ideas follow a recognisable sequence with supporting examples, but the exact essay is one continuous block. Linking phrases do not replace paragraph divisions between the introduction, workplace relationships, love of work and conclusion. Some awkward clause connections also reduce clarity.
Lexical Resource
6.0Topic vocabulary includes career growth and harmonious environment, but expressions such as 'more significantly weighed' and 'too many companions' lack precision. The phrase 'things that I considered more important' is grammatical; any revision should preserve the writer's account of a past career decision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
6.0A mix of sentence types is attempted, but frequent errors, including 'I love touching their lives make a difference' and 'taking into considerations', show limited accuracy despite meaning remaining mostly clear.
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