Educating People on Junk Food Health Issues

Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Annotated response

5 correction notes

Showing 5 correction notes.

Fast food has been proven to be the main and other diet-related of eating an excessive amount of fast food has never lost momentum. One school of thought holds that education can rectify this situation; however, there is still much scepticism about the effect of education. In this essay, both of these viewpoints will be analysed.

On the one hand, education can stop people from further damaging their health by consuming fast food. Although many eat fast food because of its affordability, the root cause of this lies in the fact that they are not adequately educated about the damaging consequences of junk food benefits of healthy eating. According to recent studies conducted in the neighbourhoods where fast food stores are easily accessible, more than of the residents know or care little about what they are consuming and how it can affect their health.

On the other hand, education alone will not work. The fact is that many people who are aware of the consequences of eating junk food are . In other words, they are often in denial and convince themselves that unhealthy habits are not as terrible as the media want them to believe. Secondly, it is very difficult for fast food eaters to reduce their dependency on fast food because it contains many addictive artificial flavours.

To conclude, education is one viable solution to put a stop to the obesity epidemic, but it does not suffice. I feel that more efforts should be made to combat obesity.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 7.0

The response discusses both views and reaches a clear judgement that education can help but is insufficient. The body provides relevant support, and logical paragraphing and generally accurate language make the argument easy to follow. Some broad claims need qualification, while occasional imprecise wording weakens the explanation of why informed people continue unhealthy habits.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

Task Response

7.0

Both views are discussed, and the conclusion clearly states that education is useful but insufficient. The body supports that judgement by contrasting lack of awareness with denial and dependence on fast food. Some explanations rely on broad claims that need clearer qualification or development.

Coherence and Cohesion

7.0

The essay follows a logical sequence with clear paragraphs for the two views and a conclusion that brings them together. Linking and referencing generally support progression, though the second body paragraph could connect its two explanations more smoothly.

Lexical Resource

7.0

Vocabulary is varied and generally appropriate, including "diet-related diseases" and "viable solution". Some choices are imprecise: "pessimistic" conflicts with the following explanation that people underestimate the danger, and "two-quarters" is an unnecessarily awkward way to express a half.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0

A variety of complex structures are used with generally good control, including relative and noun clauses; a comma splice after 'diseases, however' and minor article slips are the only noticeable, non-impeding errors.