Educating People on Junk Food Health Issues

Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Annotated response

8 correction notes

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In the wake of deteriorating and appalling health conditions of people today, scientists hold unhealthy food as the prime driving force behind it. Some people conjecture that this problem could be contained with proper education, while others don’t believe that could alleviate the issue alone. In this essay, both aspects will be elucidated and how the latter opinion is somehow correct.

The junk food on the platter has been considerably thriving owing to people’s convenience when it comes to having processed food just a doorstep away. A surge in the junk food market and its consumption, as some people say, is due to the the generation and society, at large, today. People are ignorant when it comes to the causative, hazardous and catastrophic dynamics of such unhealthy, pernicious and at times, unhygienic food items that may render them frail, severely ill and deficient in terms of nutrition. Hence, the government should take necessary steps in acknowledging and making people aware of such routine and dietary patterns that in the long run, could even be fatal.

However, education and information alone would not as people despite knowing the ill effects tend to and hence go by the sporadic sensation of taste. Technology and the modern digital era is most certainly the first and primary cause of it, as now the favourite food is just a “Click & Buy ” away. Along with that, with the upsurge of the digital epoch, the very idea and reflection of it of making the lives easier has indeed, made the lifestyle unhealthier than ever. Sedentary lifestyle, dormant state, frozen feet and barren body are just some of the deleterious physical effects of it, without even getting to the other aspects of it. With a wide plethora of options and alternatives with the new age, people choose the best ones. In order to keep up with the ever-growing demand and neck-jolting strife, the inculcation of the tastier and hazardous sweet poisons to the food material grows. The more people , the worse they do with their physiologies. In such a case, education alone can’t tackle the demon of junk food, rather limiting and monitoring the advertisements or even precautions while advertising it should be acknowledged. Increasing the taxes on junk foods could yet again be a great alternative as money matters.

To conclude, other than education alone there are some different prophylactic measures that could be taken to the fast-moving junk food trend, thereby, saving people from the perils of .

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 6.5

The strongest aspect is the clear engagement with both views and a definite personal opinion, supported by relevant ideas about advertising controls and taxation. The main limitation is the heavy, often unnatural and inflated language, which sometimes obscures the writer's meaning and makes the argument harder to follow than the underlying ideas deserve.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

Task Response

7.0

The response addresses all parts of the task, discusses both views with relevant development, and states a clear personal opinion, though some ideas drift toward lifestyle issues and supporting points are occasionally overstated rather than tightly focused.

Coherence and Cohesion

6.0

The essay has a discernible overall structure with logical paragraphing, but progression within paragraphs is frequently disrupted by convoluted, overloaded sentences that reduce clarity.

Lexical Resource

6.0

There is a wide range of ambitious vocabulary, but it is often used unnaturally or inaccurately, such as 'wrap up the wound' and 'neck-jolting strife', which lessens precision and occasionally impedes meaning.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.0

The writer uses a variety of complex structures with some flexibility, but errors recur, including faulty parallelism in the thesis statement and subject-verb agreement issues, which at times obscure meaning.