Sample response & feedback

Economic Development Versus Loss of Social Values

Question

Most countries want to improve the standard of living through economic development, however, others think the social value is lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

Annotated response

10 correction notes

Showing 10 correction notes.

The pursuit of economic progress often comes at the expense of certain social values. In my opinion, though economic development undeniably engenders numerous benefits, it is key to prioritize tradition.

There are several undeniable advantages to flourishing economic conditions. creates job opportunities and improves the employment rate, leading to reduced poverty levels and enhanced living standards. For example, in countries like China and India, rapid economic growth has lifted millions out of poverty through industries such as manufacturing and tourism services. Economic growth results in increased tax revenue, which can be allocated towards public services such as healthcare, education, and infrastructure development. In developing nations, these improvements create a sustainable cycle that can lead to improved overall societal well-being.

However, can sometimes harm social values. In the race for rapid growth, societies may witness a decline in traditions, cultural heritage, and community cohesion. For instance, the rise of consumerism and material wealth in marginalized communities in the United States often leads to the erosion of cultural practices and traditions as people value material possessions over cultural preservation. Additionally, the focus on personal success and material gain may overshadow the importance of human relationships, leading to a decline in social interaction and a rise in individualistic attitudes. This ultimately widens economic inequalities as certain groups benefit disproportionately from development, exacerbating social divisions and creating social unrest.

In conclusion, although economic development is undoubtedly advantageous, it is crucial to recognize that social values are more important. Governments and societies must take proactive measures to balance economic growth and the preservation of cultural heritage, community values, and social well-being.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 7.0

The response consistently prioritizes social values and discusses both economic benefits and social costs. Its strongest feature is flexible, largely accurate language. The main limitation is that the body describes the two sides without sufficiently explaining why the social costs should carry greater weight. The broad claim about Native American communities also needs more specific support.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

TR Task Response

7.0

The response discusses relevant benefits and social costs and consistently prioritizes social values. However, whether the disadvantages outweigh the advantages remains implicit, and the body describes the two sides more than comparing their importance; the culturally specific example also needs narrower support.

CC Coherence and Cohesion

7.0

Ideas are organized into logical paragraphs with clear progression and a range of cohesive devices used naturally, with only minor mechanical linking in places.

LR Lexical Resource

7.0

Vocabulary is sufficiently flexible and precise, featuring less common items such as engenders, erosion, and exacerbating, with only occasional slightly unnatural collocation.

GRA Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0

A variety of complex structures, including concessive clauses and relative constructions, are used with good control and errors are rare and non-impeding.