Sample response & feedback

Economic Development Versus Loss of Social Values

Question

Most countries want to improve the standard of living through economic development, however, others think the social value is lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

Annotated response

13 correction notes

Showing 13 correction notes.

A great number of nations across the world are endeavouring to achieve growth of their economies to make people’s lives better. However, certain social values disappear in the course of development. My opinion is that results in more drawbacks than benefits.

The major downside is that the environment will be degraded. Manufacturers are profit-oriented and to produce more and reduce operational costs, . What they do is that they keep discharging into waterways, such as rivers, lakes, and oceans, and emitting large quantities of poisonous gases to pollute the air.

Another disadvantage is that people become too self-centred and unkind. The world has been altered to a place where money is highly valued. Many people focus on earning money, showing less sympathy and seldom giving a hand to those in need of help. For instance, some rich company owners believe that they are superior to others. They do not care about their employees’ well-being but exploit them by getting them to work longer.

However, the advantages cannot be ignored, one of which is that people’s quality of life . Taxes paid by individuals and businesses are a stable source of government revenue, , including roads, bridges and airports. Also, more money can be invested in science and technology so that diseases can be prevented and , and people's everyday life can become much easier.

In conclusion, I believe that there are more challenges arising from losing social values owing to economic advancement than benefits. Although people can enjoy a high standard of living, environmental issues and people being unsympathetic appear. Therefore, it is recommended that programmes using the media and school education be developed to mitigate the adverse impact on social values.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 7.0

The response presents a clear position with well-organised paragraphs and a good range of vocabulary and structures. Its discussion of lost social values is relevant to the prompt. The main limitation is that it describes environmental and social costs alongside material benefits without explaining why the costs outweigh those benefits. A few awkward constructions also reduce precision.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

TR Task Response

7.0

A clear position is sustained, with relevant ideas about pollution, social responsibility and public services. The main limitation is that the essay lists costs and benefits without explaining why the costs carry greater weight.

CC Coherence and Cohesion

7.0

Ideas progress logically across well-managed paragraphs with appropriate cohesive devices, though occasional phrasing such as the transition into the advantages paragraph is slightly awkward.

LR Lexical Resource

7.0

Vocabulary shows range, including profit-oriented, exploit and infrastructure, but occasional combinations such as “altered to a place” and “radically cured” lack naturalness or precision.

GRA Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0

A variety of complex structures, including relative clauses and subjunctive forms, is used with generally good control, though some constructions are wordy or slightly strained.