Sample response & feedback

Economic Development Versus Loss of Social Values

Question

Most countries want to improve the standard of living through economic development, however, others think the social value is lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

Annotated response

14 correction notes

Showing 14 correction notes.

Economic development has undoubtedly improved the standard of living in many countries, yet it is often claimed to cause the erosion of certain social values. In my opinion, while there are notable advantages to , they are outweighed by the drawbacks.

There are certain reasons to justify the gains of this development. Firstly, a better quality of life powered by economic growth can encourage people to leave behind social values that are considered archaic or Improved economic conditions, for instance, , enabling women and girls to learn alongside men, which was hardly possible in pre-industrial societies due to the scarcity of resources. Furthermore, a loss of certain social values higher economic stability and social mobility, . By having financial security and clear opportunities for advancement thanks to economic progress, people could lift themselves out of poverty, and become fulfilled without holding on to intangible values.

The drawbacks of such a situation are substantial and often weightier than the advantages, however. As societies become wealthier, there is often a shift towards individualism and which can weaken family bonds and community cohesion. The pursuit of career success and financial gain, for example, can lead to people spending less time with their families, thereby diminishing the importance of familial relationships. Economic development, furthermore, powers rapid urbanization, which can erode traditional cultural icons and values alike. As cities expand, increasingly more people migrate to them in search of better opportunities, which might lead to historical sites being replaced with modern infrastructure. A loss of cultural identity, thus, is likely to happen, as local people may feel as though they were in a foreign land.

In conclusion, while economic growth is capable of , I believe that the disadvantages from the erosion of some social values clearly overshadow the benefits. To avoid undermining the stability of communities, governments and communities should strive to preserve the cultural heritage and unity .

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 7.0

The response addresses the question with a clear, consistent position that disadvantages outweigh advantages. Relevant examples cover educational access, family relationships and urbanisation. The main ideas are developed, but broad historical claims need qualification and the essay needs a clearer reason for assigning greater weight to social losses. Occasional awkward collocations also reduce precision.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

TR Task Response

7.0

The response maintains a clear position and develops relevant arguments about educational access, material wellbeing and community ties. Some historical claims are broad, and the reasons why social losses outweigh material gains remain insufficiently explicit.

CC Coherence and Cohesion

7.0

Ideas are logically organised in clear paragraphs with effective linking devices, though progression is occasionally slightly mechanical, as in the repeated 'furthermore' placement.

LR Lexical Resource

7.0

A sufficient range of vocabulary is used with some flexibility and less common items such as 'archaic', 'cohesion', and 'propelling', despite occasional imprecision and stray spacing before punctuation.

GRA Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0

A variety of complex structures is used with generally good control, and most sentences are error-free. Minor weaknesses include the construction “might be compensated by” for a loss and stray spaces before punctuation.