Sample response & feedback

Arts Education in Primary Schools

Question

Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

Annotated response

14 correction notes

Showing 14 correction notes.

People assert that primary education needs equal weight for music and art and drama together with academic subjects. I agree with this statement because hidden talent and improves cognitive skills in children.

, painting, and music composition are effective methods to discover unknown talents which exist in elementary students. Such programs help teachers and parents to guide children so that they can discover their expertise which will become either their hobbies or their future job choice. For instance, the primary and middle schools in Canada teach both music and acting as courses. The school envinces success stories from its former students who built their careers as professional musicians and actors.

Additionally, school-aged children in the primary grades demonstrate high receptiveness toward . students to develop essential skills such as maintaining concentration, solving problems, and applying logical reasoning. Moreover, they would understand complex concepts and adapt their behavior to new circumstances which they will need in their professional lives. To illustrate, demonstrates that children in the US who participate in visual arts training exhibit higher intellectual abilities and emotional understanding compared to their peers who lack this educational background.

In conclusion, students require fine arts education for their early learning process which should include math and science and social studies and language studies. discover their passions while developing logical reasoning abilities which are necessary for adult life.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 7.0

The essay takes a clear position and organises its two main reasons into distinct paragraphs, supported by relevant examples. The reasons need more explanation of how arts lessons reveal talent and develop cognitive skills, and why these benefits justify equal priority with other subjects. At 240 words, the response is slightly short; occasional lexical errors and unclear references also reduce precision.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

TR Task Response

7.0

The response presents a clear position, addresses the task throughout, and develops both main ideas with relevant examples, though it falls ten words short of the minimum length and ideas could be extended further.

CC Coherence and Cohesion

7.0

Ideas progress logically across well-organised paragraphs with a clear conclusion, although linking is at times mechanical and some sentence connections feel slightly forced.

LR Lexical Resource

6.5

Vocabulary is generally adequate for the task with some attempt at less common items, but errors such as 'Theate' and 'envinces' and occasional imprecision reduce overall accuracy.

GRA Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0

A good range of sentence structures, including complex forms, is used with reasonable flexibility, and errors are occasional and rarely impede understanding.