Young People Volunteering in Poorer Countries

More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending a short time doing unpaid work, such as teaching and building houses for communities in poorer countries. What are the reasons for this? Who benefits more from this, the communities or these young people?

Annotated response

3 correction notes

Showing 3 correction notes.

It is becoming increasingly common these days for individuals from wealthier nations to donate their time to aiding less developed countries. In my opinion, this is a natural result of advances in media and benefits the wealthy far more than those being ostensibly helped.

The main reason this has become a pervasive trend in recent decades is that young people are more aware of and capable of traveling to other countries. The last several decades have witnessed the rise of media beyond traditional television shows and newspapers and now include websites and social media. The average young person today can use their smartphone to easily access information from a variety of sources on issues in distant countries. Additionally, individuals today are generally able to travel conveniently abroad. Air travel is not only far faster than has also become cheaper as average incomes have risen, particularly in developed nations.

However, this phenomenon is mostly concerned with improving the self-esteem of the wealthy. Young people often lack confidence and one way to improve their own self-image is to volunteer for causes in other countries. A young person of privilege might feel guilty about their own standard of living and lack of accomplishments in life and therefore travel abroad to help others in order to gain confidence. When this person returns home, they will be able to flaunt their achievements in front of friends, their parents, and on university entrance essays. In contrast, the people who have been helped are unlikely to experience a significant change in their lives and the cost of housing and training young volunteers might even outweigh their contributions.

In conclusion, young people today are able to travel to other countries because of new developments in technology and media and this chiefly benefits the travelers. There are nonetheless sometimes concomitant advantages for locals as well.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 7.5

The response's strongest aspect is its fluent, precise language and confident control of complex structures, which consistently keep the argument easy to follow. The main limitation is that the second body paragraph relies on generalised claims about volunteers' motives rather than fuller development or supporting examples, leaving the argument somewhat speculative.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

Task Response

7.0

Both parts of the question are addressed with a clear position and relevant explanations, though the discussion of who benefits relies on assertion and generalisation rather than fully developed support.

Coherence and Cohesion

7.5

Ideas progress logically through clear paragraphs with well-managed linking devices, including effective contrastive transitions, though cohesion within paragraphs is occasionally formulaic.

Lexical Resource

8.0

Vocabulary is flexible and precise, with natural idiomatic phrasing and apt less common items such as ostensibly, pervasive, and concomitant, used with only rare awkwardness.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.5

A wide range of complex structures is used with flexibility and accuracy, including relative clauses and parallel constructions, with errors being rare and non-impeding.