Spending Public Money on Health Prevention Versus Treatment

Some people think it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Annotated response

6 correction notes

Showing 6 correction notes.

Some people assert that investing public money in the promotion of healthy living can have more profound impacts on disease prevention than spending tax money on treating existing patients. Although raising awareness of healthy lifestyles is of great significance, I firmly believe that the government would be better off spending their budget on the cures of existing diseases.

On the one hand, a valid argument to spend taxpayers’ money on promoting a healthy lifestyle is the simple fact that many medical conditions are the result of lifestyle choices, including poor dietary habits and lack of . For example, the obesity epidemic – a culprit of heart failure and diabetes – is fueled by the availability of fast food and sugary drinks , both of which are consumed at an alarming rate by people who lack good eating habits and nutrition knowledge. Furthermore, the excessive intake of unhealthy food works in conjunction with a sedentary lifestyle where exercises are , putting the health of many citizens at risk. Therefore, educating the public about the importance of portion control and healthy diets could be a good weight-related diseases.

On the other hand, there is no good reason to say that funding treatment for people who are already diagnosed with illnesses is less important. First, without proper treatment and medical care, people suffering from existing diseases could die from curable diseases . For instance, complications caused by the Covid-19 virus can make its hosts lose their ability to breathe, , but if a vaccine is administered in a timely manner, patients have a high chance of survival. Another important point to take into consideration is that promoting healthy life choices is not a thorough approach to disease prevention since and vices tend to differ from one another. Therefore, information about good diets and workout regimes will only benefit people who are already conscious of their health, and people who are prone to unhealthy lifestyle patterns will simply ignore such measures.

In conclusion, although encouraging people to live healthy could prevent diseases to some extent, it is not a conclusive solution. Thus, the state should continue funding the treatment of patients with existing health problems.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 7.5

The essay maintains a clear position and develops relevant arguments about prevention and treatment, using a wide vocabulary. However, presenting vaccination as treatment for patients with acute symptoms weakens the treatment example. The claim that prevention reaches only the already health-conscious needs qualification. Word-form and possessive errors also reduce accuracy without generally obscuring meaning.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

Task Response

7.0

The essay maintains a clear preference for treatment funding and develops reasons on both sides. The obesity example supports prevention, but vaccination presented as treatment for acute illness does not support the treatment argument. The claim that health advice benefits only the already health-conscious is also too absolute.

Coherence and Cohesion

7.0

Ideas are logically organised with clear paragraphing and cohesive devices used appropriately, although some links between claim and support, such as the vaccine example, are slightly stretched.

Lexical Resource

8.0

A wide range of vocabulary is used with flexibility and precision, including natural collocations like 'sedentary lifestyle' and 'alarming rate', with only rare imprecision.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0

A variety of complex structures is used with generally good control, but occasional errors such as 'forgoed', 'individual's habits', and minor article slips are noticeable without impeding meaning.