Spending Public Money on Health Prevention Versus Treatment

Some people think it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Annotated response

3 correction notes

Showing 3 correction notes.

It is a known fact that a sizable portion of the annual budget made by the government is spent on public healthcare. The administration is always in a fix when it comes to managing the physical well-being of the population due to the perpetual rise in the number of sick people and lack of sufficient funds for treatment. It is often debated that government funds should be allocated for improving the general standards of living to prevent health issues at the grassroots level. I strongly support this notion and in the following essay, I will support my views with relevant instances.

Firstly, we must acknowledge the appalling conditions , especially in third world countries. One of the prime causes of health issues is the lack of proper sanitation and maintenance by the local municipal corporations. Since the underprivileged already suffer from a deficiency of shelter, food and hygiene, they are bound to fall prey to serious ailments. Secondly, these diseases tend to spread among other neighbouring localities and thereby worsening the situation.

Therefore, the administration must take necessary measures to improve the living conditions of these segments of society. Furthermore, certain initiatives can be taken, not only by the government but also by other groups of authority and the public. The importance of physical exercise should be emphasized more in schools and physical education should be made a mandatory subject in the daily curriculum. Households should also adopt practices like eating healthy and following a healthy lifestyle by engaging themselves in physically demanding activities together or individually more often.

Nevertheless, the dire need for resources to overcome the health crisis faced by the government cannot be overlooked. However, a step must be taken towards a long-term solution to this issue, otherwise, we are bound to develop a vicious cycle that might be relentless to conquer.

In conclusion, I would like to add that the predicament of deteriorating health conditions of the public can only be by embracing a more vigorous manner of living. Thus, the efforts of both the government and the civilian population are required to achieve that threshold.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 7.0

The response presents a clear and consistent position with well-organized paragraphs covering prevention through improved living conditions, education, and household habits, while acknowledging treatment needs. Development is generally relevant but occasionally relies on general statements rather than concrete examples. Language is flexible with good vocabulary range, though some collocations are strained and a few grammatical slips occur.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

Task Response

7.0

The response addresses the task directly with a clear, consistently held position favouring prevention, and develops relevant main ideas across the essay, though some support remains general rather than fully extended.

Coherence and Cohesion

7.0

Ideas progress logically through clear paragraphing and a range of cohesive devices, with occasional slightly mechanical or imprecise linking such as the shift into the concluding paragraph.

Lexical Resource

7.0

A wide vocabulary range is demonstrated with natural items like 'fall prey to ailments' and 'vicious cycle', though occasional awkward or inaccurate collocations such as 'relentless to conquer' and 'surpassed' reduce precision.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0

A variety of complex structures is used with good flexibility, and most sentences are error-free, with only occasional slips in relative clause construction and tense-adjacent phrasing that do not impede communication.