Spending Public Money on Health Prevention Versus Treatment

Some people think it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Annotated response

9 correction notes

Showing 9 correction notes.

Healthy lifestyle and healthy living are two commonly used terms nowadays. With the technological advancement and modern lifestyle, people are diverted from keeping themselves fit and healthy. The issue of promoting health is quite . Some people think that more money should be spent on creating awareness among the people, instead of treating the ones who are already ill. The below paragraphs will analyse the problem in detail before coming to an appropriate conclusion.

With the modernization and urbanisation more and more people are exposed to diseases nowadays. People are becoming ill and affected by various debilitating diseases like TB, . cannot be totally blamed for this condition. It is both the government and the rapidly changing lifestyle of the people, responsible for their health problems. It is, therefore, the duty of the authority to look after its people. The government must spend a little amount of money on the health issues created in the country. This can be done in various ways.

Firstly, there should be awareness created among the people about . Health care programs, campaigns, seminars etc. should be organised by the authority to inform people about the consequences of an unhealthy lifestyle. Issues concerning proper sanitation, balanced diet, regular exercise should be dealt with. Secondly, health care facilities should be improved; for example, diagnostic facilities like X-ray, MRI should be available to the patient in order to start the treatment as early as possible. Lastly, since each and every person cannot afford the cost of his treatment, . Moreover, helping ill and poor people in terms of money for the sake of humanity can be the one reason.

To conclude, I neither completely agree nor disagree with the statement that money should solely be spent on promoting health and not on treating people who are ill. In fact, equally for overcoming both the problems. Treatment should be carried out with the awareness programmes so that spreading of this problem can be prevented further.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 6.5

The response presents a clear balanced position and covers both prevention and treatment with relevant ideas, which is its strongest aspect. The main limitation is underdeveloped support, as several points are asserted rather than explained, and language control is adequate but uneven throughout.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

Task Response

6.5

The response addresses the question with a clear qualified position and relevant main ideas on prevention and treatment, but the development of those ideas remains thin and partially repetitive.

Coherence and Cohesion

6.0

Paragraphing is logical and linking devices are used throughout, though some connections are mechanical and cohesion within paragraphs is occasionally loose.

Lexical Resource

6.5

There is an adequate range of topic-related vocabulary such as 'debilitating diseases', 'awareness' and 'sanitation', with some awkward or imprecise phrasing but no serious breakdown in meaning.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.0

A mix of simple and complex structures is used with reasonable accuracy, but recurring errors in agreement, article use and clause construction reduce overall grammatical control.