Sample response & feedback

Do Hobbies Need to Be Difficult to Be Enjoyable

Question

Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Annotated response

19 correction notes

Showing 19 correction notes.

In today’s world, pastimes are crucial for any person in order to relax and . claim that these activities must be and feasible to have fun. However, , I vehemently the given assertion, which says that hobbies must be rigorous, and I will explicate my stance in the forthcoming paragraphs with credible illustrations.

To start with, some individuals leisure activities are fun-filled provided they are challenging. Nevertheless, I anticipate that it should be relaxing rather than creating additive pressure and making it cumbersome. There are a plethora of hobbies such as swimming, music, dance, athletics and reading novels. The youngsters inculcate these pastimes in their daily life to forego numerous psychological hurdles. To cite an example, when a person is suffering from depression and anxiety, therapists them to include hobbies which would be . Additionally, middle-aged people who are swamped with massive workloads at their workplaces feel that it is crucial to adopt a hobby to relieve themselves from work pressure and have an amazing time when taking part in these activities. Hence, with excess difficulties, the public is liable to added disturbances rather than enjoying their leisure hours.

On a similar note, the government is taking measures and establishing norms to introduce many leisure hours during school. This makes pupils distracted from their studies and are not liable to mental pressure. The educational department is considering making a minimum of two co-curricular activities mandatory for students and can select as per their desire. Furthermore, parents are motivating their children to have a hobby after their return from school. They are encouraging their wards to take ample breaks during study hours which eventually makes them concentrate in an optimal manner.

Taking everything into consideration, in my view, pastimes should be filled with optimism, enjoyment and happiness rather than and making our lives more challenging.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 6.5

The response presents a clear, consistent disagreement with the statement and supports it with relevant examples about stress relief and student wellbeing. The main limitation is a tendency toward off-focus content in the second body paragraph and word choices that are often ambitious but inaccurate, which occasionally clouds meaning.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

TR Task Response

6.0

The position is clear and maintained throughout with relevant supporting ideas, but development is uneven and the discussion of government school policies is only loosely connected to whether hobbies must be difficult.

CC Coherence and Cohesion

6.0

The essay has a logical overall structure with linking devices, but some transitions and connections, such as the shift to schooling measures, feel mechanical or weakly justified.

LR Lexical Resource

6.0

There is a wide range of less common vocabulary, yet frequent inexact usage such as 'tedious', 'disaccord', 'foster', 'additive pressure' and 'advice' reduces precision at times.

GRA Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0

A variety of complex structures is used with generally good control, and errors in agreement or phrasing are mostly minor and rarely impede understanding.