Whether Women Make Better Parents Than Men

Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Write an essay expressing your point of view.

Annotated response

8 correction notes

Showing 8 correction notes.

In order to be a great human being in future, a child should be raised with at home. The topic whether women or men in raising the children is a huge debate nowadays. I think both of the parents share equal credit in raising kids. Let’s ponder on the advantages on both sides.

Primarily, women are often treated as great caretakers and also the one for great future of the kids. Children spend a major chunk of their time with their So, women get to teach kids on how to be a better person in the society and also on how to be a great human being. nutritious foods to the children which help them to become healthy. Children learn about how to take care of others from their mums because mothers always take good care of their children. This instils a great sense of responsibility in the children.

Secondarily, men (father) are termed as their ideal person for children. Men always struggle so much in order to win bread for the family. This struggle teaches kids to study better with a dream to help the family financially in future. Fathers are often a source of inspiration for children on how to be a strong and better person in life. This helps them to grow as better and responsible citizens in future.

After looking at advantages from both sides of the argument, I conclude that both men and women share in raising the children. Even if the proportion is not balanced, there will be a huge impact on the children. So hold a major role in the family.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 6.0

The response presents a clear position that both parents contribute equally and develops it with two supported body paragraphs. The strongest aspect is the coherent, balanced structure, while the main limitation is repetitive, loosely developed ideas and somewhat informal or imprecise phrasing throughout.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

Task Response

6.0

The essay addresses the question with a clear position that both parents matter equally, and each view is supported, though ideas remain somewhat generic and underdeveloped in places.

Coherence and Cohesion

6.0

Paragraphing is logical and progression is clear with basic connectors, but cohesion relies on mechanical linking and some sentences connect loosely.

Lexical Resource

6.0

Vocabulary is adequate for the topic with some natural collocations, but it shows limited flexibility and recurring informal or inaccurate usage such as ponder on and win bread.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.0

A mix of sentence types is used with generally clear meaning, though errors in article use, agreement, and phrasing occur frequently without obscuring the message.