Changes at West Park Secondary School Since 1950

Schools
Facilities

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at west park Secondary school since its construction in 1950.

Annotated response

8 correction notes

The pictures illustrate the changes, which have taken place at West Park school from 1950 to 2010.

Firstly, significant alterations occurred to the was a sports field in 1980 and then to a car park in 2010. There was an expansion of the car park in 2010 and the was placed between the car park and the playground.

Moreover, substantial changes happened to the houses. They were removed from the park and science block taking their place.

Furthermore, a science block was added to the school building in 1980 reduced in size. However, the locations of the playground and school were not modified.

In contrast, the main road remained unchanged throughout the period.

Overall, farmland and houses disappeared from the map, playground was , and there were built science block, car park and sports field.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 6.0

The report selects the main additions and removals and notes that the road remains unchanged. However, the sentence linking the science-block addition and playground reduction blurs two different dates. Mechanical linking, comma splices and awkward passive structures also reduce clarity. The response is slightly under length, so added detail should clarify the timing rather than simply add words.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

Task Achievement

6.0

The overview identifies the main additions and removals, and most features are covered. However, linking the reduced playground to the 1980 science-block addition confuses the timing: the playground remains unchanged in 1980 and becomes smaller in 2010. The response is slightly under the required length.

Coherence and Cohesion

6.0

Ideas are organised chronologically with simple linking devices, but progression is somewhat mechanical and a few sentences, like the houses paragraph, are choppy and under-developed.

Lexical Resource

6.0

Vocabulary is generally adequate for describing map changes, with some flexibility (significant alterations, substantial changes), though word choice lapses such as 'abridged' for the playground reduce precision.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.0

A range of structures is attempted, including passives and relative clauses, but frequent errors such as the comma splice in the farmland sentence and 'there were built science block' limit accuracy.

More responses with feedback

View all 4 responses (6.0–7.0)