Employment by Gender in Freedonia

The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the republic of Freedonia. Write a report for a university teacher describing the information shown.

IELTS Academic Writing Task 1 question image

Annotated response

10 correction notes

Showing 10 correction notes.

The diagram demonstrates the in Freedonia by , male and female in six different sectors in 1975 and 1995.

Overall, it can be clearly seen that in starting year, male number was higher than the female which changed in 1995.

For manufacturing, In 1975, male and female works number was roughly same in manufacturing unit while after two decades, the male number were more 100000. For communication, the male number was the same as was female in manufacturing and female had 210000 whereas, in 1995, the male number remained the same but the female double in 20 years. For , 410000 and 115000 employment number was for male and female respectively in 1975 however, after two decades, the female number rose steadily and had same as the male had in 1975, the male number grew on account of 500000 had.

For the non-defence public sector, employment numbers remained unchanged throughout the period, which was 625000 for females and 82500p for males. For wholesale, in 1975, male workers number was 700000 which remained same later but, female employees number the zenith point, . The public sector had 210000 employees, after 20 years, it was 300000, and this change happens owing to female recruitment.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 5.5

The strongest aspect is the response's attempt at comprehensive coverage, touching all six sectors across both years with a stated overview. The main limitation is the high frequency of grammatical errors and several inaccurate or confusingly expressed figures, which obscure the data being described.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

Task Achievement

5.0

The response attempts to cover all six sectors in both years and offers an overview, but several figures are inaccurate or unsupported, such as the communications and finance data conflicting with the charts, and unclear typos like 82500p and 80000p reduce the reliability of the account.

Coherence and Cohesion

5.5

There is a recognizable report structure with sequencing by sector, but progression is often mechanical and some statements, such as the finance/banking comparison, are confusing to follow.

Lexical Resource

5.5

The writing shows an adequate range of topic-related vocabulary including sectors and change verbs, but phrasing is sometimes imprecise or awkward, as in employment in Freedonia by gender wise and grew on account of.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

5.0

Frequent grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues like the male number were more 100000 and this change happens, alongside faulty number constructions, regularly reduce clarity despite some accurate complex structures.