Employment by Gender in Freedonia

The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the republic of Freedonia. Write a report for a university teacher describing the information shown.

IELTS Academic Writing Task 1 question image

Annotated response

7 correction notes

The time graph listed the information about enrollment in Freedonia by gender in the various field between 1975 and 1995.

According to the chart, in the years 1975 and 1995 the manufacturing sector was similar in around 300,000 women and 700000 men. Additionally, the communications sector increased the number of women workers in 1995 to 600000. While 1975 it has half of its employees working in Freedonia. Public sector defence rose rapidly in gender ranging between 30000 to 200 thousand in female or 200000 in males from 1975 to 1995.

Moving further, the banking sector had double the employee after 20 years, approximately 500000. Whereas, wholesales and retailer Trade sector working man less than 1995 about 700 thousand. Adding to this ladies in this field at 5 lakh to 8 lakh employees. It was interesting to see that the number of staff was equal in the , without any change.

Overall, manufacturing and public sector in non-defence in 20 years while in other sector males was more working than females.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 5.0

The strongest aspect is the response's attempt to organise the report by sector and include an overview of broad trends. Its main limitation is the frequency of inaccurate or confusingly expressed data, which makes several descriptions unreliable and obscures the key comparisons between 1975 and 1995.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

Task Achievement

5.0

The report attempts all six sectors and identifies manufacturing and non-defence employment as broadly stable over time. It does not claim equal male and female manufacturing counts: it gives different figures for each. The real problems include inaccurate defence changes, unclear banking and communications comparisons, and a final male-majority claim that overlooks female majorities in 1995.

Coherence and Cohesion

5.5

There is a visible progression from introduction to body paragraphs to an overview, but linking is mechanical and some sentences, such as the trade and defence descriptions, break down and confuse the reader.

Lexical Resource

5.0

Vocabulary is sufficient to identify the sectors, but enrollment is inaccurate for employment and several descriptions are imprecise. 'Ladies dramatically growth' has an incorrect word form. Lakh is a legitimate unit equal to 100,000; it is not inherently a vocabulary error, although consistent units would make comparisons easier.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

5.0

A limited range of structures is used with frequent errors in verb forms, articles, and agreement, such as 'While 1975 it has half' and 'males was more working', which sometimes impede meaning.

More responses with feedback

View all 2 responses (5.0–5.5)