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英国11至16岁儿童的上学出行方式

Journeys to School by UK Children Aged 11-16

The chart below gives information about the journeys to school by children aged 11 to 16 in the UK in a year.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

下图给出了英国11至16岁儿童在一年中上学出行的信息。

请选择并报告主要特征来概括信息,并在相关之处进行比较。

1 篇范文估分 7.0,换你来写?

先自己写,再往下看范文和批改,差距一眼就能看出来。

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来自本题范文

要点:英国11至16岁儿童的上学出行方式

为什么这是柱状图 ,要求你比较最重要的几个类别。

所以我们把要点分为要点(值得描述的数据和对比)。

要点

10个要点

同一道题 · 不同范文

范文与批改

范文 01

必改建议

作文 · 179词 · 4段 · 8条批注

分数详情

范文 01
估算分数7.0/ 9

总体评价

The response covers all four distance bands, gives a clear overview of the leading modes and organises the details logically. Its numerical estimates are broadly consistent with the plotted bars. The clearest correction is to express the walking–cycling gap as 40 percentage points, while more natural collocations and a cross-distance comparison of car travel would strengthen the report.

TA

任务完成情况

The response covers all four distance ranges with a clear overview and useful comparisons. The reported heights are broadly consistent with the chart, but the gap between walking and cycling in the shortest band should be expressed as 40 percentage points, not 40%.

7.0
CC

连贯与衔接

Ideas are organised logically by distance band with clear linking phrases and a coherent progression from overview to detail, although paragraph transitions are somewhat formulaic.

7.0
LR

词汇丰富度

Vocabulary is varied and appropriate for chart comparisons, including distance ranges, rankings and proportions. The phrase "belonged to those who walked" is awkward for describing journeys and would be clearer as "were made on foot".

7.0
GRA

语法多样性与准确性

A wide range of structures is used accurately, including participial phrases, comparative constructions, and passive forms, with only occasional minor errors that do not impede meaning.

7.0

下一步改进重点

When subtracting percentages, report the result in percentage points: 90% minus 50% is 40 percentage points. Also connect the car figures across distance bands to highlight their peak at 2–5 miles.

来自本题范文

实用词汇:英国11至16岁儿童的上学出行方式

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