墨尔本社区中心活动参与人数(2000–2020)

Participants in Melbourne Social Centre Activities (2000–2020)

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

下图给出了2000年至2020年期间澳大利亚墨尔本某社区中心不同活动的参与人数信息。

请选择并报告主要特征来概括信息,并在相关之处进行比较。

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要点:墨尔本社区中心活动参与人数(2000–2020)

为什么这是折线图 ,要求你描述随时间变化的主要趋势和变化。

所以我们把要点分为概述(整个时期的主要趋势)和要点(值得描述的数据和对比)。

概述

3个要点

要点

7个要点

同一道题 · 不同范文

范文与批改

范文 01

必改建议

作文 · 153词 · 4段 · 18条批注

分数详情

范文 01
估算分数6.5/ 9

总体评价

The response is well organised with a clear overview and fluent, accurate language throughout. Its main weakness is data accuracy: several figures and trends misread the graph, including table tennis, martial arts, and amateur dramatics, which undermines the reliability of the report.

TA

任务完成情况

The response covers all five activities, provides an overview, and uses appropriate length, but multiple data points and trends are inaccurate against the graph, such as table tennis rising to about 53 rather than 25, martial arts ending near 36 rather than declining to 25, and amateur dramatics falling to about 6 by 2020.

5.5
CC

连贯与衔接

The report is logically organised with clear paragraphing, a summarising introduction, a body of trend descriptions, and a cohesive concluding summary using linkers such as 'while' and 'in contrast'.

7.0
LR

词汇丰富度

Vocabulary is sufficiently flexible and precise for describing trends, with phrases like 'consistently had the highest number', 'significant growth', and 'a slight upward trend', with only a minor spelling slip ('center').

7.0
GRA

语法多样性与准确性

A good range of structures is used accurately, including relative and participle clauses ('starting at around 60', 'before falling to 15') and varied tense forms, with only rare, non-impeding errors such as 'saw declines'.

7.0

下一步改进重点

Re-check every plotted value and trend against the graph before writing, as several reported figures diverge substantially from the visual data.

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实用词汇:墨尔本社区中心活动参与人数(2000–2020)

来自本题范文

句型:墨尔本社区中心活动参与人数(2000–2020)

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已加载题目:A类小作文。
第1部分

建议用时约 20 分钟,至少写 150 词。

词数:020:00 输入第一个词后开始计时