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一家工程公司员工的学历构成

Graduate Qualifications in an Engineering Company

The charts below show the proportion of graduates with different qualifications working in one engineering company in 1980 and 2008.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

下图显示了1980年和2008年一家工程公司中拥有不同学历的毕业生所占的比例。

请选择并报告主要特征来概括信息,并在相关之处进行比较。

2 篇范文估分 7.5–8.0,换你来写?

先自己写,再往下看范文和批改,差距一眼就能看出来。

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要点:一家工程公司员工的学历构成

为什么这是饼图 ,要求你比较各部分的比例和占比最大的部分。

所以我们把要点分为概述(占比最大的部分或主要变化)和要点(值得描述的数据和对比)。

概述

4个要点

要点

5个要点

同一道题 · 不同范文

范文与批改

范文 01

必改建议

作文 · 203词 · 4段 · 9条批注

分数详情

范文 01
估算分数7.5/ 9

总体评价

The report includes all six categories in both years and reproduces their percentages correctly. Its organisation and language are generally strong, but the overview and final paragraph repeatedly misidentify the leading qualification in 2008: science PhDs held 30%, ahead of science master’s degrees at 29%. Correcting those comparisons is the priority. Grouping the matching degree levels would also make the account less list-like and highlight the largest fall.

TA

任务完成情况

All twelve percentages are reported correctly, but the overview incorrectly says science master’s degrees led in both years. The final paragraph repeats this error by calling science PhDs second and science master’s degrees dominant in 2008, when their shares were 30% and 29% respectively. These ranking errors weaken otherwise relevant comparisons.

7.0
CC

连贯与衔接

The response is logically organised with clear paragraphing and a range of cohesive devices, though the sequencing of figures is sometimes mechanical and list-like.

7.0
LR

词汇丰富度

Vocabulary for proportions and change is varied, including “rose sharply” and “declined marginally”. Some wording could be more precise: the charts concern graduate employees, and the legend’s broad subject label is Arts rather than Art. Repeated degree labels also make parts of the report read like a list.

7.0
GRA

语法多样性与准确性

A wide range of structures is used with strong control, including complex contrastive and participle constructions, and errors are rare and minor.

8.0

下一步改进重点

Correct the 2008 ranking throughout: science PhDs were first at 30%, and science master’s degrees were second at 29%. Then compare matching levels, noting the five-point rise in each PhD share and the eight-point fall in science first degrees.

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实用词汇:一家工程公司员工的学历构成

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句型:一家工程公司员工的学历构成

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