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澳大利亚五类工作的就业人数

Australian Employment in Five Work Types

The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work on one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

下图显示了2001年和2008年澳大利亚某一地区五种工作类型的就业人数。

请选择并报告主要特征来概括信息,并在相关之处进行比较。

4 篇范文估分 6.0–8.0,换你来写?

先自己写,再往下看范文和批改,差距一眼就能看出来。

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来自本题范文

要点:澳大利亚五类工作的就业人数

为什么这是柱状图 ,要求你比较最重要的几个类别。

所以我们把要点分为概述(最大的差异或规律)和要点(值得描述的数据和对比)。

概述

2个要点

要点

5个要点

同一道题 · 不同范文

范文与批改

范文 01

必改建议

作文 · 182词 · 1段 · 12条批注

分数详情

范文 01
估算分数6.0/ 9

总体评价

The response covers all five sectors and provides an overview of the largest and smallest employers. However, the overview understates computing’s growth, and several details are inaccurate or confusing, particularly the sales increase, the paired computing and nursing figures, and the claim that accounting was unchanged. More precise numerical comparisons and simpler phrasing would improve the report’s reliability.

TA

任务完成情况

The response addresses the task with an appropriate overview and covers all five sectors, but several data points are inaccurate or unclear, including the claim that accounting employment remained unchanged and the confusing figures given for computing and nursing.

6.0
CC

连贯与衔接

The response moves logically from introduction and overview to increases and decreases, using line breaks to mark these sections. Some links are awkward, especially “After then”, and the paired figures for computing and nursing are difficult to follow.

6.0
LR

词汇丰富度

There is a reasonable range of vocabulary for employment trends, but expressions such as “time of tenure” and “even more inferior level” are awkward or imprecise. Direct sector labels and neutral descriptions of change would make the report clearer.

6.0
GRA

语法多样性与准确性

A mix of simple and complex structures is attempted with mostly clear meaning, though errors in tense, punctuation of numbers, and phrasing, such as 'the former... in the former', recur throughout.

6.0

下一步改进重点

Verify every figure against the chart before writing, and express comparisons in plain, precise language to avoid contradictory or muddled data statements.

来自本题范文

实用词汇:澳大利亚五类工作的就业人数

来自本题范文

句型:澳大利亚五类工作的就业人数

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写下你的作文

已加载题目:A类小作文。
第1部分

建议用时约 20 分钟,至少写 150 词。

词数:020:00 输入第一个词后开始计时