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两国男女员工在各行业的分布

Male and Female Workers Across Sectors in Two Countries

The charts below show the percentage of male and female workers in country A and country B.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

下图显示了A国和B国男性和女性员工在各行业中所占的百分比。

请选择并报告主要特征来概括信息,并在相关之处进行比较。

2 篇范文估分 7.0,换你来写?

先自己写,再往下看范文和批改,差距一眼就能看出来。

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来自本题范文

要点:两国男女员工在各行业的分布

为什么这是饼图 ,要求你比较各部分的比例和占比最大的部分。

所以我们把要点分为概述(占比最大的部分或主要变化)和要点(值得描述的数据和对比)。

概述

2个要点

要点

6个要点

同一道题 · 不同范文

范文与批改

范文 01

必改建议

作文 · 195词 · 4段 · 14条批注

分数详情

范文 01
估算分数7.0/ 9

总体评价

The response covers all four charts and groups the details clearly by country. Its main weaknesses are the overview's unsupported industry-preference claim, the use of 'majority' despite the 49% female service share in country A, and the misreported 78% female service share in country B, which is labelled 88%. The industry ratios are reasonable approximations, though qualifying them would improve precision. Articles, group labels and references also need attention.

TA

任务完成情况

The response covers both countries and all sectors, but its overview incorrectly suggests that workers in country A favour industry, the smallest sector for both genders. It also reports 78% instead of 88% for female services in country B and describes services as a majority without distinguishing the 49% female share in country A. The industry ratios are reasonable approximations that would be clearer if explicitly qualified.

6.0
CC

连贯与衔接

Ideas are organised logically by country with clear cohesive devices and a generally smooth progression across paragraphs.

7.0
LR

词汇丰富度

The response uses a useful range of sector and proportion vocabulary, but 'laborers' narrows the worker groups unnecessarily, 'the figure recorded in women' is awkward, and terms such as 'prefer' and 'most favored' imply choices that employment data cannot establish.

7.0
GRA

语法多样性与准确性

A range of complex sentences is attempted with generally clear meaning. Errors include singular 'man and woman' for the worker groups, missing articles before 'services sector', a semicolon before the dependent 'whereas' clause, and the unclear plural reference 'female ones'.

7.0

下一步改进重点

Check the overview and labelled figures first: distinguish the largest share from a majority, report employment rather than preferences, and correct country B's female service share to 88%. Use 'approximately twice' and 'nearly triple' to make the useful industry comparisons explicitly approximate.

来自本题范文

实用词汇:两国男女员工在各行业的分布

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第1部分

建议用时约 20 分钟,至少写 150 词。

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