Freedonia 共和国各行业男女就业人数

Employment by Gender in Freedonia

The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the republic of Freedonia. Write a report for a university teacher describing the information shown.

下面的图表显示了1975年和1995年 Freedonia 共和国若干就业领域的男性和女性工人人数。请为一位大学教师写一份报告,描述所示信息。

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范文 01

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作文 · 159词 · 4段 · 20条批注

分数详情

范文 01
估算分数5.0/ 9

总体评价

The strongest aspect is the response's attempt to organise the report by sector and include an overview of broad trends. Its main limitation is the frequency of inaccurate or confusingly expressed data, which makes several descriptions unreliable and obscures the key comparisons between 1975 and 1995.

TA

任务完成情况

The report attempts all six sectors and identifies manufacturing and non-defence employment as broadly stable over time. It does not claim equal male and female manufacturing counts: it gives different figures for each. The real problems include inaccurate defence changes, unclear banking and communications comparisons, and a final male-majority claim that overlooks female majorities in 1995.

5.0
CC

连贯与衔接

There is a visible progression from introduction to body paragraphs to an overview, but linking is mechanical and some sentences, such as the trade and defence descriptions, break down and confuse the reader.

5.5
LR

词汇丰富度

Vocabulary is sufficient to identify the sectors, but enrollment is inaccurate for employment and several descriptions are imprecise. 'Ladies dramatically growth' has an incorrect word form. Lakh is a legitimate unit equal to 100,000; it is not inherently a vocabulary error, although consistent units would make comparisons easier.

5.0
GRA

语法多样性与准确性

A limited range of structures is used with frequent errors in verb forms, articles, and agreement, such as 'While 1975 it has half' and 'males was more working', which sometimes impede meaning.

5.0

下一步改进重点

Keep the valid comparison showing little change in manufacturing and non-defence employment. Correct the defence figures and state which sex each banking and communications figure describes. In the overview, identify women overtaking men in communications and wholesale/retail trade by 1995.

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