Sample response & feedback

Youth School Dropout Causes and Solutions

Question

So many young people are dropping out of school these days, and as a result, the rate of unemployment is increasing. It also affects our society in different ways. Why are so many young people dropping out of school? How can this situation be improved?

Annotated response

11 correction notes

Showing 11 correction notes.

Young students dropping out of school is a serious issue that affects not only individuals but also society as a whole. However, there are several ways in which this situation can be improved. This essay will explore the reasons behind this phenomenon and suggest some steps that could improve the situation.

Firstly, it is important to identify the reasons why many young people drop out of school. Some may do so because of financial difficulties. Therefore, it is necessary to provide support systems and resources to help students overcome their financial challenges. For instance, offering financial aid or part-time job opportunities can help students from needy families stay in school.

Secondly, some learners feel that they should start a job instead of continuing school. As a result, they leave school and start looking for a job. As a solution to this, schools should offer more vocational and career-oriented programmes to engage students who may not be interested in traditional academic subjects. This can help students see the relevance of their education and the potential career opportunities available to them.

Finally, many youths leave school without completing their education due to their apathy towards school and education. In such cases, parents and communities need to play an active role in encouraging young people to stay in school. They can do so by offering mentorship and creating a supportive environment that emphasises the importance of education. To illustrate, the state of Tennessee in the United States launched the "Drive to 55" initiative to increase the number of residents with post-secondary credentials to 55% by 2025.

In conclusion, the issue of youth dropping out of school is a complex problem that requires a multi-faceted approach. By addressing the root causes of the problem and providing financial assistance and mentorship, families, schools and communities can work together to improve the situation and reduce the rate of unemployment in the long run.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 7.0

The response addresses both questions by identifying plausible causes of dropout and pairing them with relevant remedies. Its strongest aspect is the clear organisation of each cause alongside a solution. Development remains general, however: the financial and motivational mechanisms need explanation, and the Tennessee credential target does not clearly illustrate the preceding claim about mentorship and school retention.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

TR Task Response

7.0

Both questions are addressed through relevant causes and matching solutions. The financial and motivational mechanisms remain briefly explained, and the Tennessee credential target is not clearly connected to the paragraph’s claim about mentorship and school retention.

CC Coherence and Cohesion

7.0

The essay progresses logically through clearly sequenced points with appropriate cohesive devices, although some linkers are used mechanically and paragraphing is formulaic.

LR Lexical Resource

7.0

Vocabulary is sufficiently flexible for the topic, with terms like vocational, mentorship, and post-secondary credentials, though occasional repetition of phrases such as school and situation reduces precision.

GRA Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0

A range of structures, including relative clauses, coordinated clauses and an introductory By phrase, is used with generally strong accuracy. The sentences communicate the causes and proposed solutions clearly.