Sample response & feedback

Social Responsibilities of Businesses vs Making Money

Question

As well as making money businesses also have a responsibility towards society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Annotated response

20 correction notes

Showing 20 correction notes.

A number of individuals believe that the business also has a responsibility toward communities despite profits. I agree with the given notion, and will be justified in the following paragraphs, along with a logical conclusion.

There are various reasons that indicate that any business has some responsibility for the country. Firstly, it is true that when any business , it becomes a role model for a small organization. Moreover, small companies and other people also start to , so any social work done by the successful business company also others and sets a new path which . In India, for example, in the covid epidemic, tata started to provide help to their employee financially and socially by seeing others also start on their footprint.

Secondly, around the world, there are a number of countries where penurious people number are very higher thus, if big companies aid as financially to them then it aids the bureaucrats to focus on other things than improving their livelihood. It directly . Finally, because of local people, so is also a good way.

However, the success of any business is on how much profit and revenue. As a result, it is also important that they focus on making money. If they only focus on social and volunteer work, then .

In conclusion, it is debated that companies have to work socially or only focus on money. In my view, after success, financial and social responsibility requirements.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 6.0

The essay takes a recognisable position in favour of business responsibilities and offers relevant reasons involving influence, financial assistance and community support. These points give the argument a useful framework, but several causal links need explanation. Frequent grammatical and word-choice errors make parts of the example difficult to follow, while the incomplete final sentence prevents a clear concluding statement of the position.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

TR Task Response

6.0

The response agrees that businesses have social responsibilities and gives relevant reasons concerning influence, poverty and community support. These ideas are unevenly developed; the concession does not explain how to balance duties with profit, and the incomplete final sentence obscures the conclusion.

CC Coherence and Cohesion

6.0

Paragraphing is logical and linking devices guide the reader, though some connections are mechanical and progression falters in the counterargument and conclusion.

LR Lexical Resource

6.0

There is adequate range of vocabulary with some less common items like penurious, but imprecise and awkward collocations recur throughout.

GRA Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.0

A mix of structures is attempted, yet frequent errors in agreement, articles, and verb forms regularly reduce clarity, especially near the end.