就垃圾食品的健康问题开展教育

Educating People on Junk Food Health Issues

Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

科学家们一致认为,人们吃太多垃圾食品正在损害自己的健康。有些人认为,解决这个问题的办法是对人们进行教育。另一些人则认为教育不会奏效。请讨论这两种观点,并给出你的看法。

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写作思路:就垃圾食品的健康问题开展教育

为什么这是讨论类 ,要求你讨论两种对立的观点,并给出自己的看法。

所以我们把思路分为第一种观点(支持第一种观点)和第二种观点(支持第二种观点)。

第一种观点

4条思路

第二种观点

7条思路

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范文与批改

范文 01

必改建议

作文 · 286词 · 4段 · 12条批注

分数详情

范文 01
估算分数6.0/ 9

总体评价

The response supports education and includes relevant ideas about awareness of health risks. However, the opposing view is not clearly explained: the paragraph introduced by "However" again endorses education before moving to other measures. This weak distinction between viewpoints limits task coverage and progression, despite generally understandable language.

TR

任务回应

The response supports education and proposes additional measures, but it does not adequately explain the view that education will not work. Some material about activities and industry output also lacks a clear connection to that opposing argument, leaving the discussion only partially developed.

6.0
CC

连贯与衔接

The paragraphs have recognisable topics, but some links do not express the relationship between ideas accurately. "However" introduces another claim in favour of education, repeating rather than contrasting the preceding argument. The movement into other measures also needs clearer connections.

6.0
LR

词汇丰富度

Vocabulary is generally adequate and appropriately topical, with phrases like 'mitigating the problem' and 'easy accessibility', though some expressions are imprecise or awkward, such as 'elaborate the respective meanings' and 'the amount of produce it offers'.

6.0
GRA

语法多样性与准确性

A reasonable range of structures is attempted, and meaning is mostly clear. Some agreement and sentence-construction errors remain, including "harmful fats which causes many health problems". The plural noun "fats" requires "cause" in that relative clause.

6.5

下一步改进重点

Clarify the opposing argument by explicitly explaining why some people think education alone will not change behaviour, and keep each paragraph consistent with one viewpoint.

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实用词汇:就垃圾食品的健康问题开展教育

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句型:就垃圾食品的健康问题开展教育

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