It has been indicated by the latest that young individuals under 18 years old. The reason for this phenomenon as the psychologists believe is lack of emotional and social learning by the parents and teachers. Psychologically, there are two crucial factors that making teachers and parents careless about their young children and students the age of 18 in learning. Parents and teachers treat adults in serious ways during the learning process for two points. First of all, they observe that of children do not need emotion and softness as younger children, and they really pay attention just on their academic studies and how to . Eventually, the relationships between parents, teachers and students become without any love. Secondly, once the circumstance at the school or home is getting worse and under pressure for students, they start to hate and act negatively and violently against . Consequently, teachers and parents cause people to be dangerous criminals . The other significant point is parents and teachers are of learning and teaching 18 years old students. Although there are that could teach people the intelligent approach of emotional and social learning , these teachers are still not professional at it. In Canada for instance, sells the newest and easiest books of dealing with secondary schools students, yet criminal behaviors have reached schools, streets and public places. Lastly, this problem is difficult to be solved without increasing the awareness among teachers and parents of the importance of reading about emotional social learning. In , to decrease the number of among 18 years old individuals, parents and teachers should teach them in . I realize that strict communication and narrow education are the influential factors for .
Causes of Youth Violent Crime and Emotional Learning
Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Annotated response
21 correction notes
Overall assessment
Why this response received Band 5.0
The strongest aspect is that the essay takes a position and attempts to develop it with two explanatory reasons and an example. Its main limitation is pervasive grammatical and word-choice errors that frequently obscure meaning, combined with ideas that remain only partly developed and an awkward, incomplete conclusion.
IELTS criteria
How each score was decided
Task Response
5.0The response addresses the topic and presents a clear overall agreement with the psychologists' view, but ideas are repetitive, partially developed, and some support, such as the Canada example, is confusing or irrelevant to the claimed cause.
Coherence and Cohesion
5.0There is a visible two-point structure and some linking devices, yet progression is often mechanical, referential wording is unclear, and the final paragraph trails off with a fragment rather than a full conclusion.
Lexical Resource
5.0Vocabulary shows some awareness of topic language such as 'emotional and social learning' and 'criminal behaviors', but it is limited and frequently inaccurate, with errors like 'an increase number of violence crimes', 'hate every around them', and 'act negatively and violently against innocent'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
4.5Grammatical errors are frequent and sometimes impede meaning, including faulty relative clauses ('two crucial factors that making'), missing prepositions, and incorrect structures such as 'they really pay attention just on', although simple sentences remain intelligible.