Causes of Youth Violent Crime and Emotional Learning

Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Annotated response

19 correction notes

Showing 19 correction notes.

In recent years, great attention has been paid to the topic of who should be the most responsible for . Therefore, on this issue. Some people state that parents and teachers ought to be blamed for crimes committed by young children. However, some opponents disagree with the above perspective. In this essay, the argument will be carefully examined to support my opinion.

The first thing to consider is the fact that children’s surroundings drastically affect their . According to the recent report in Japan, about 80 percent of young children responded TV games or computer games were the most for them to . Thanks to advanced technology, young children can play violent games with extremely clear screens. This has drastically violent behaviors . In addition, advanced technology didn’t give us only these , but also social network service so that people can be connected easily with even strangers. If young children meet bad people and are unfortunately , young children might be involved in violent crimes. Therefore, I would like to argue that it is insufficient to conclude that teachers and parents should be responsible for children’s behaviors.

On the other hand, it is also true that teachers and parents are close to their children. Children have many things which they don’t know what they must not do and what they may do. Teachers and parents usually have many chances to meet their children and teach these things. However, the time children’s teachers and parents is limited. It is impossible to their children. , children can have their own computers or games and it is difficult for their teachers and parents to intervene all the time. Therefore, , what teachers and parents can do for their children is limited and children can even if parents or teachers educate them due to other surroundings.

In the final analysis, I would like to emphasize that this problem should be . It is too overlooked to conclude teachers and parents should be responsible for their children’s behaviors. In my opinion, other surroundings such as games play more important roles than teachers and parents when children .

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 6.0

The strongest aspect is the response's clear overall position that factors beyond parents and teachers drive youth crime, supported by extended discussion of technology and a counter-argument. The main limitation is recurring grammatical and word-choice errors, along with slightly repetitive argumentation, which occasionally obscure the message.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

Task Response

6.0

The response addresses the question with a clear position that parents and teachers are not primarily responsible, developing relevant supporting ideas about games and social media, though development is somewhat uneven and the framing paragraph drifts from the prompt's focus.

Coherence and Cohesion

6.0

Ideas are organised into clear paragraphs with linking devices, but progression is occasionally mechanical and some sentences and transitions, such as 'Besides of this', reduce coherence.

Lexical Resource

6.0

Vocabulary is adequate for the topic with some range, but imprecise word choices like 'growths', 'most inspiring', and 'too overlooked to conclude' limit precision.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

5.5

A mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, and clause construction, such as 'there is numerous discussions' and 'the time children's teachers and parents is limited', sometimes impede clarity.