Causes of Youth Violent Crime and Emotional Learning

Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Annotated response

14 correction notes

Showing 14 correction notes.

Some experts attribute the recent among juveniles under 18 to the lack of social and emotional knowledge received from their families and schools. , however, those immature violent criminals not only get insufficient learning but also are negatively affected by computer games.

Apparently, the fact that adults leave children get away with themselves is one of the factors that in violent crime. In practice, often shift their responsibility of teaching their children on teachers’ shoulders though a large fraction of time children spend at home. Such parents’ irresponsibility is likely to get children exposed to social evils including violence. In addition, at schools, not a few lecturers emphasize on students’ academic performance but their morality. As a result, students appear to encounter no barrier to .

Similarly, the indulgence in computer games in various aspects. In fact, nowadays numerous computer games contain . Such violent elements seem to get teenagers accustomed to disturbances, . Besides, violent games are prone to create both actual and potential rivals among players. Consequently, young players who are hungry for success will fall out and even eventually.

In sum, seems to become an increasingly nowadays. Both parents and teachers should take proactive measures to curb this problem by and violent computer games.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 6.5

The strongest aspect is the attempt at a nuanced position that accepts the psychological explanation while adding exposure to violent games as a further cause, supported by two organized body paragraphs. The main limitation is recurring grammatical and word-choice inaccuracy, which sometimes obscures meaning, along with somewhat repetitive and occasionally imprecise development of the supporting ideas.

IELTS criteria

How each score was decided

Task Response

6.5

The response addresses the question with a clear qualified position, adding violent games as a further cause, and develops main ideas with examples, though some points are stated rather than fully elaborated and the conclusion adds a prescription rather than reinforcing the position.

Coherence and Cohesion

6.5

The essay is paragraphed logically with cohesive devices such as 'Apparently', 'Similarly', and 'Consequently', but progression within sentences is occasionally strained and some transitions and referencing feel mechanical or imprecise.

Lexical Resource

6.0

There is a reasonable range of less common vocabulary including 'upsurge', 'juveniles', and 'proactive measures', yet noticeable collocational errors such as 'emphasize on', 'involve fightings', and 'social and emotional knowledge' reduce precision.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.0

A mix of structures is attempted, but frequent errors in verb patterns and agreement, such as 'leave children get away with', 'causes youngsters get involved', and 'excite their uncontrollable behaviors', recur and occasionally impede clarity.